^ Those numbers are depressing, as if I'm not feeling like crap to begin with. Whoopdedoo. I'm going to skip the pity me post, but since that's really all I feel like writing, this will be short and to the point. I'm still pregnant, Emmett's still where he's supposed to be, hopefully for some time to come still. My contractions haven't stopped in about 2 weeks now and they're making me miserable. Still dilated to 4, but otherwise no change.
And before I forget, I just want to say a big thank you. I don't think I would be holding on to what's left of my sanity without everyone's encouragement. I really can't say it enough.
I just wanted to let everyone know what's up with Heather Lynne. Her contractions started to pick up again last night and at her cervical check this morning she was dilating through the cerclage with some tearing. They ended up taking her into surgery right away to get it removed before it started to tear through her cervix more than it already had. The last check that they did she was 5 cm dilated, but her contractions have slowed considerably. Emmett's head is very low, and his weight was about 4 pounds.
It's all just a waiting game to see how long she can hold out on her own. They think that she'll be delivering within the week, but there's still hope that she can keep gong for weeks to come.
Sorry I didn't get around to posting the results of the fFN test here. I just never quite made it that far. It was a bad "concentrating" day, if you know what I mean. My head still feels like it's in another world most of the time right now. I'm surprised half of the words coming out of my mouth aren't in some kind of alien tongue or something.
The results came back yesterday morning and I failed once again with my positive reading. I know there isn't much I can do but cross my fingers and pray that this was no different than the previous tests where nothing ended up happening. It's just hard for me not to get stressed about it and worry with the other signs. Two days later, I can't really say there's much change. They've kept me on Terbutaline because it's been the only thing to slow my contractions, although they have definitely not gone away. I know he'll be in good hands if he was born now, but that doesn't mean I want it that way. As a mother the best I can do is give him the best chance at life possible, and that means he needs to stay put for a few more weeks.
I'm trying to go by the daily goal, but my sights are really just making it to Monday and 32 weeks. And God willing, 33 weeks, 34 weeks or 35 weeks at which point Dr. T has mentioned they will stop trying to prevent my labor and he'll come on his own terms.
That's as far as my happy vibes will get me today. If I was any other pregnant woman not locked up in a hospital already this whole post would be about my eventful night spent in L&D, but considering it's me, anything Hospital related shouldn't be a surprise.
Last night my contractions started to pick up again, but they weren't really coming that regularly, so it just felt like any other Sunday night before my progesterone shot. Today has been a different story altogether - Once I was on the monitor this morning it was showing contractions just over every 3 minutes. Insert panicked mommy here. I got a shot of Terbutaline to stop the contractions, and let me say, for the record, that I hate this stuff. It makes me shaky and my heart race and not adding in all of the stress from today so far I feel like I'm just one breath short of a full-blown panic attack. But it did a pretty good job in stopping the onslaught of contractions; at least it slowed them down.
Dr. T isn't happy with this weeks CL, or lack thereof I should say. I have absolutely no measurable cervix left, still funneled to the stitch and I'm 1 cm dilated. Right now all that is holding this boy out from the world is a thread. Scary, scary, scary thought. She did another fFN test and we may not get the results back until tomorrow, but I'm hoping for sooner. She said the stitch isn't showing any signs of tearing, so it's staying in, but if it does she'll remove it immediately.
Right now I feel like all I can do is cross every part I physically can and just hope that he'll stay in on his own for a few more weeks. I'm just not ready for him to be born yet. I'm still having contractions, but they are few and far between, but they are strong. It's not comforting, knowing that all your doctors agree that the only thing holding this baby in is the cerclage.
I love, love, love my Mother-in-Law. Rob's mother is amazing and the fact that she's actually here in VA for about a week and half is a pretty big deal for me. She's really the first visitor that I've had in a very long time not including Rob who doesn't get up here very often. The last visitor I had who I wasn't married to was my dad and that really feels like a lifetime ago.
The woman is just indescribable, really. She's funny, she's warm, she's just everything that I really need right now.
She brought a lot of things with her, and it's been like a crazy happy day for me right now (full to the brim with tears though, these hormones are intense). I didn't really need anything other than her company, but she made me this gorgeous little necklace and bracelet set and teased me about the fact that I don't have my ears pierced. One of my nicknames that Rob gave me years ago was Bumble Bee because all of my chatter makes him think of a buzzing bee, so she actually hand-crafted these itty bitty little bees out of some metal (I kind of forget what it is) and it's a little crazy to think how she did it. Such a crafty woman she is! I'm hoping she'll kick Rob's butt into gear and get things started on Emmett's room, but I'm not getting my hopes up there.
Probably the most emotional part of today was a gift from my old co-workers from back home. They sent a gorgeous card, letters and kind words along with a gift card to use for little Emmett. Freaking $500. I can't even think of how to thank of everyone, but it means so much to me and to Rob too, I know.
I never though I would get to say this, but I am thirty weeks pregnant!!!
Today's appointment didn't go so well compared to the last few weeks, but we're still thinking positive. CL is now .9 and still funneled to the stitch with no dilation to speak of but my cervix was super oft. Baby boy weighed in at about 3 pounds even.
My wrists are killing me again today so this is staying short and sweet. Happy Monday!
It's been quite a while since my last update, hasn't it? I've been trying to give myself a little break from my laptop, which included updating my blog, so no worries - Everyone is still where they are supposed to be (mostly referring to Emmett)! Can you believe I'm actually only a few days away from reaching 30 weeks? I'm a little shell shocked that we've actually made it this far; it's felt like this point that I would never reach for so long, and now it's so close to finally becoming a reality. I'm really starting to believe that we'll make it.
I'll update again after my CL check on Monday (we're really getting close to the end of those and the progesterone shots). Rob will be here tonight for the entire weekend, and we'll be trying to celebrate our first anniversary which is on Sunday.