Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday 5 - Week 2

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Story Time

1. Which of your stories have you probably told the greatest number of times to the most people?

This is a hard one this week. I don't really have any stories that have ever been worth sharing, so I don't. For the sake of having some kind of actual answer I'll go with the story of my first ever hockey game. My bio-dad took me to the San Jose Sharks first ever hockey game as an expansion team in the NHL. I was no more than 2 years old at the time. In his enthusiasm he stuck my head in the mouth of the team's mascot, Sharkie, which is pretty darn terrifying for a little toddler. But somehow it didn't turn me off to the sport because it is now my #1 favorite.

2. What’s a story someone else often tells about you, much to your chagrin?

I don't really have anyone to talk to these days, let alone be annoyed by the over-telling of particular stories, so this question is moot.

3. What oft-told story from a chapter in your life seems to be remembered differently by different people who were there?

It's not something I talk about a lot, but talk of the 74 days that I spent in the hospital while I was pregnant with Emmett does come up and Rob and I each have our separate memories of the nightmare that it was.

4. What are some of the details, without retelling the whole story, of a story you’ve told often but never to your parents?

I have no idea! I don't tell my parents anything, really. But it has more to do with the fact that we don't talk.

5. What song would be an appropriate soundtrack to the story of your most embarrassing moment?

If I had an embarrassing moment that I could remember, I would have an answer. But I don't.

~*~

Okay, today's 5 sucks as far as my answers are concerned. What can I say, I'm not a story-type person when it comes to me doing the telling. I'd rather read something.

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Thursday, October 1, 2009

6 months old

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My precious EmmBear is 6 officially 6 months old. It's been an incredible journey full of the highest and highs and the lowest of lows from getting that positive home pregnancy test, through the months of hospital bed rest, finally holding you in my arms for the first time, and even watching you eating your very first foods. And to think the journey has still only just begun. I can't put into words how much you've changed my world for the better.

I love you for now, I love you for always!


He has his 6 month well-baby check-up on Monday, and I'll be sure to post updates on his weight then!

Thursday 13 - Week 2

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1. Birthdays. Who doesn't love them? Alright, so there are times when the prospect of growing older probably stops being as exciting as it was when you were a child, but that doesn't make them any less special. They are meant to be all about you. My birthday this year is considered a big milestone for most people my age: I will be turning 21 on December 27th (you got it, two days after Christmas). Legal drinking age, FTW!! Except for that tiny little part where I am not a fan of alcohol - at all. The only upside this year is that I will be one more year removed from my teenage years and maybe closer to that age when people will begin to take me seriously. In other birthday news, we are celebrating Emmett's half birthday today! I cannot believe that he is 6 months old. Some days it really feels like just yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant again, let alone that I am constantly hugging and squeezing this little dude.

2. Bella Swan. I, Heather-Lynne, and a Twili-holic. I honestly don't think I can begin to describe to you how much I am obsessed with this series. And one thing that I absolutely love about this character is that she's just like every girl I went to high school with, which makes her so much easier to relate too. One of the big complaints that I hear from Twilight haters is how un-inspiring Bella is and how far away she is from being a good role model. Why? Because she doesn't excel at everything in her life? How many of us are really like that? I know I've had my outsider/wallflower moments. It's a nice change to read about someone completely normal every now and again.


NOT an Official New Moon poster, this was from a designing contest

3. Band-Aids. I am a huge klutz. 99.99% of the time I cannot walk from one end of a room to the other without finding some way to hurt myself (accidentally, of course) whether it be tripping over my own two feet, knocking something on my head, or plain old running into a wall. Did you hear about the time I ran through a glass door? Yeah, I don't recommend it. It's usually a good idea to keep a god deal of Band-Aids on supply because sooner or later I will need them. Right now my supply consists of Disney Princess and Cars designs. I love having something to smile about when it comes to bodily injury.

4. Barnes & Noble. This is the first store that comes to mind when I think of books. I even came close to applying for a job there after I got out of high school because I just love to read, but thought better of it. I don't shop there much anymore since I would rather not pay for their membership in order to save money, but when desperate times call for desperate measures (such as Rob going out to buy each of the different EW covers for me when the cast of Twilight is featured) I'll make a little pit stop.

5. Borders. My #1 place to buy books (and yes, I realize I should invest in a Library card one of these days). My loyalty to Borders really stems from some people that I met at the store back in my hometown. We all just clicked after a couple of Twilight Discussion groups in the months leading up to the midnight release party for Breaking Dawn. It's a more sociable place to be in my opinion and who doesn't like to be a social butterfly every now and again.

6. Border Collies. The dog of choice in my family. My step-dad's last two dogs were both Border Collies. No idea why this is on my list (probably because I can't think of any B's today) seeing as I am not a fan of dogs - nor they me.

7. Bagels & cream cheese. Quite possibly the best breakfast food EVER!

8. Bagpipes. The general feel that I get is that you either love them or you hate them. Me, personally? I love them. But I've also grown up around them. My family is Scottish and between the Games and just spending time with my Grandparents means you hear a lot of it. The sound of them just brings out an emotional response in me more than any other kind of music out there.


9. Blue Bloods. I have the strangest feeling that I have mentioned this book series before! That may be because I have, lol. I'm telling you - if you loved Twilight, you'll love these books. And I dug up that trailer for the next book (The Van Alen Legacy, comes out August 6). Who comes up with these things?


10.Beauty & the Beast. One of my all-time favorite Disney movies! Then again, there's hardly a Disney animated feature that I don't include on my all-time favorite list. I just wish this would be re-released on DVD and Blu-Ray because I don't own it and I would really love to.

11. Barbra Streisand. Guilty pleasure.

12. Bonkers. Does anyone else remember this cartoon from the early/mid '90s? Talk about a totally random thought that popped into my head.

13. Boo!! Who else is in the mood for Halloween?

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Give a day & get a Disney day

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"I Want..." Wednesday #1

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What do you want to do outside?

There isn't much I want to do that has to do with the outdoors today of all days. Being sick makes me miserable and what I really want is to go curl up in bed and pass out until I feel better. But since that option is currently unavailable to me ...

Horseback riding!

There's something that I haven't done in I can't tell you how long. Horses are amazing creatures and I always felt at home visiting the Ranch where our neighbors boarded their three horses. They moved away when I was in Jr. High and that was the last time that I clearly remember climbing into the saddle although I am sure there is at least one or two more memories that my brain wont recall since then.

But one of my favorite memories (and one of the earliest that I can remember clearly) was during one particular family reunion, camping in a forest in Colorado. The whole family ended up going on a guided trail ride and I think it was my first experience on horseback, ever. I was riding with my Uncle Scott, and if you can believe it I still remember the name of the horse, Pedro. Keep in mind I had to have been only about 4 years old at the time, if that even. What an amazing experience it was! I wish I could even describe how fun it was for me, and how amazing it was to be riding through the mountainside, over fallen trees, through rivers. It makes me skin tingle a little thinking about it.

There's something I would love to do outside. Today. Tomorrow. Any day. I just wish we were in a position to own a horse of our own. Who knows, maybe someday it will happen.

Am I allowed a sick day?

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The old me would be camped out on a couch, bundled up in every comforter I could stand to be buried beneath, with a mug of hot cocoa and a bowl of soup at the slightest hint of a runny nose - let alone a cold. The old me would be able to take the day off from school and lounge about watching DVD-Marathons (like finally watching and enjoying all of Battlestar Galactica even though I roasted my family for watching it) or maybe even take a sick day from work.

Gone are those days, my friends. What are you supposed to do as a mom, home alone with an infant, when you get sick? And I am, of course, sick. I've steadily gotten more congested since Saturday, my head feels like someone's gripping it to the death in a vice, my throat is raw as Hades, and nothing will stay settled in my stomach for longer than 20 minutes after I eat. This really makes me just want to step outside and scream for whoever can hear me: Why me?!?! How many times have I been sick now in the last year? Normally I'm the one who hardly ever gets sick save a few sniffles once the cold weather officially kicks in. But not any more.

But all I ever want to do right now is keep my little body curled up in bed and sleep and sleep and sleep some more. And it's not like I have the family reinforcements who I would be able to call up if I was still back home in California. The only family that I have to call is my dad and step-mom and for two people who also have lives and a family household to run, something like a 2 hour drive is a little much of me to ask from them. There is, of course, Rob. Thank the stars I can count on him to come over and pick up Emmett for a few hours while I try and catch up with some of the sleep that my body is screaming at me that I need.

At least it's easier now. I can't imagine what ti would be like the farther we get from the family back up and as Emmett gets older and gets mobile. I don't see how any parent can possibly do it! Taking care of themselves while sick when there's a rambunctious child at home as well. One day I'm sure I'll have to figure that step out too. Right now I'm just thanking my lucky stars that (a) we've found a small solution for the time being and that (b) whatever I have has not been passed down to Emmett.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Fall cleaning

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I came to a sad realization yesterday afternoon: I live in a sty. Not that I'm a stranger to messy surroundings. I lived with 3 men, who didn't know the right end of a broom stick or what it was to be used for, in a small apartment for a couple of years. It used to bother me so much back then how dishes would pile up in the sink for days and never make it to the fully functional and empty dishwasher unless I had a spare moment to get to if between classes and homework, or my two jobs. Or how about the empty bags and cartons of food lying in a pile next to the couch? Once while cleaning I decided to make a pyramid out of their empty beer cans. If only I had thought to take photos of it. Of course the mess never bothered them so long as they could still get to the fridge and the bathroom they were right as rain. I wont go so far as to say I am this huge clean freak but I definitely have my OCD tendencies in that department.

I have come a long way since then.

This house is a disaster and I can't keep using the excuse that I don't have the time to clean it up. Really, what is it that I'm doing all day other than taking care of Emmett? Not much, to be perfectly honest with you. And not only that but I have no idea where half of this crap even came from. When Rob and I moved out here we barely owned enough to fit in the back of his truck and now all of a sudden there is just stuff everywhere. It's like our possessions are breeding or something. Even when you take into account the few things that Rob took with him when he moved out. Ahhh! It's driving me insane.

So screw the whole Spring Cleaning idea, I've got to get the Fall Cleaning underway and I need to start it sooner than later. The Holidays may still be a couple of months away but that is still super close and I would like to entertain the possibility of doing some good old fashioned entertaining myself, if only to have my dad and step-mom along with my half-siblings down from Maryland. The sooner I get started on this endeavor the sooner normal cleaning will be that much easier. So wish me luck. I'm hitting the trenches tomorrow!

Provided I can take my nose away from my book for long enough ...

Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday 5 - Week 1

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Photobucket
Getting to know me

1. What are the titles of the last three books you read all of?

Alright. Please keep in mind that I am a 20 year old Twililaholic who has had a super-crazed obsession with YA supernatural/romance type books for as far back as I can remember. After I sped through my first two readings of the entire Twilight series long before the release of Breaking Dawn in August 2008 I was going through some major Cullen withdrawals. A few other members of the Twilight Discussion Group that I played a vocal part in (yes, I was seriously a key player in a Twilight Discussion Group) came up with a list of other YA Vampire novels that they loved and I went through the entire list in just about two weeks. Pretty impressive for a list of about 12 books. Like I said, I was going through withdrawals. One of the books, Blue Bloods, was the first in another series written by Melissa de la Cruz and currently has 3 books in publication with the fourth coming out in less than 2 weeks. Which is why I just had to read Blue Bloods, Masquerade, and Revelations all over again. To prepare myself mentally for what is about to come in The Van Alen Legacy. It took me some time to get into these books as they have a very slow build to the mystery and action, but now I am hooked. October 6th can't come soon enough.

And did you know they make trailers for books nowadays? EW has an exclusive on the fourth Blue Bloods novel, here.


2. What are the titles of between three and five magazines you subscribe to or used to subscribe to?

I'm not very big on magazine subscriptions. I love to read Entertainment Weekly and only recently got myself a subscription because it was free. And right now, that is it! We used to get both Sports Illustrated (which frustrates me because there just isn't enough Hockey mentioned for my taste) as well as The Hockey News (plenty of Hockey mentioned there, folks) but we canceled them both and I can't exactly remember why.

3. What’s on your night table?

Honestly, I don't have one! All there is in my bedroom as far as furniture is concerned is the bed and a dinky dresser that is piled high with clothes because I absolutely hate to fold them (it's the hardest part of doing the laundry).

4. What are the three best things that happened to you in the past seven days?

Let's see here. For starters I talked with my Grandmother on the phone for about an hour - each day. That's the easiest way to make a day great; she's like my best friend. Then the funniest thing happened yesterday, forcing me to recognize the fact that Emmett really is ready to start solids. He stole part of my banana! I had cut one up to put in my cereal for breakfast and was taking my time as usual (a.k.a. forgetting about it completely). Before I could actually put them in my cereal I remember picking him up and we were standing right next to the counter and it was like a moth being drawn to a flame! I have never seen him snatch something up so fast and pop it into his mouth. He makes his momma so proud! Look for some messy baby photos soon! I still need one more great thing about this week. Does the fact that it went by really, really fast count? I love Fridays and I love the weekend so I am so happy we have completed another week!

5. What was your senior yearbook quote, and what would your yearbook quote be this year if there were such a thing?

Now you've got me thinking! I really don't remember to be honest, and I only graduated 2 years ago! You would think I could remember something as recent as that but nope! I actually have to get up and check my yearbook. It figures that it was a quote from Walt Disney:

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them

I'd use the same quote today. It's always been a favorite of mine. And it is true. Maybe all of my dreams haven't come true yet, but there certainly one that gives me the biggest smiles I have ever seen every single day.

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday 13 - Week 1

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Photobucket
A is where it's at

1. Apples. Love 'em. Can't get enough of 'em. And I am strictly talking apples here, no apple juice (yuck!) or applesauce (double yuck), thank you. Is it just me, or does fall just scream apple picking? I remember spending the first weekend in October visiting my grandparents to we could all go to the local Apple Festival. Fun times. Fun times. I loved to go bobbing for apples, and the sweet tooth in my heart holds a special place for these:


2. Ackles. Jensen Ackles. It is Thursday night which means I get my weekly Jensen Ackles & Supernatural fix. Alright, I confess. I usually get a daily Jensen Ackles & Supernatural fix seeing as I own the entire series on DVD so far. What can I say? Nothing. Just watch this clip.

3. Autumn. It may not be my favorite season if you ask me during summer. It may not even be my favorite season if you ask me during the spring. But I absolutely love autumn ... during autumn! The weather is finally cooling down (supposedly), the Holidays are just around the corner, the leaves are changing colors, and all of the aroma of pumpkins and spices are making me happy.

4. Amazing Grace. It doesn't get any better than listening to someone play this on the bagpipes.

5. Austin and I don't mean Austin, Texas. I mean my baby brother of course. The little pumpkin will be celebrating his first birthday in October. Looks like Emmett will be attending his first birthday party. For his uncle. Who is only 6 months older than him.

6. Albacore. It's tuna, not chicken.


7. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Because I loved watching them when I was a kid. I even distinctly remember singing "Witch Doctor" while walking up the hill, backwards, to the cafeteria when I was in Elementary school for lunch with my best friend. Good times those were.

8. Animaniacs. My dad still does a kick ass impression of Wakko. But the one moment I will always remember in Animaniacs history is Yakko's World. I just had to learn to sing it on my own. To think I actually memorized the countries of the world at one point in time. All thanks to a cooky cartoon.


9. Animorphs. Is there anyone out there who remembers these books? I'm pretty sure that I was in Elementary school when they came and I was absolutely fascinated by them. I mean, what kid wouldn't want to meet some crazy blue centaur-like alien with who give you the ability to morph into any animal that you touch? They even had a short lived television series and at the time I was so devastated when they canceled it.

10. Art. Be it dance, sculpture, painting, photography, or whatever medium you choose, art inspires us all and we inspire it.

11. Adventureland. Home to the ever-awesome Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, California. I totally went on this ride 6 times in one hour this summer on our Disney adventure.


12. Anne. It's my mother's middle name. She may not be my favorite person in the world but lately, who is? It's a part of why they spelled Lynne with the two N's and an E in my first name. Among other factors. If in some unknown time if I am ever blessed with a daughter it has not been taken off a possible middle name list.

13. Angels. They are always with us.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

3 Months Gone

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Make that 3 months and change. 3 months and 1 week gone, really. A lot of things have changed since I last posted. Really, I don't know what to say or where to start.

The good news is that everyone is healthy and a certain little man who shall remain nameless (EMMETT!!!) is just 1 week away from reaching that halfway point of his first year of life. I'm n denial that he'll really be 6 months old so soon. Watching him day by day, it's all just gone by so fast. I want to enjoy this baby stage a little longer, please! I'll try and update his stats after his 6 month check up but he's already closing in on 17 pounds. 17 pounds!! How did my precious 4 pound little guy get so big and chunky? We're actually getting ready to start solids next week. That right there just seems so surreal in itself. He's really been in my life for almost 6 months, hasn't he? I can't imagine a single day without him.

As for this tired momma, things are different; different, but looking up. Not only have I been trying to adjust to life as a new mom, but I've also been trying to adjust to life as a "single mom". And I do use the term loosely, not knowing what else to call it. Rob moved out over the summer while we try and take a step back and work through some problems. It was probably the best decision that we could have made. After everything that has happened in the past year we just were not getting anywhere trying to 'fix things' under the same roof and I honestly don't think we would have been able to make it work if he hadn't. All I can really say right now is this: we are moving in the right direction.

And now this tired momma needs to go to sleep before she completely forgets too. Hope to 'talk' to you all soon. And if you're still around, thanks so much for everything!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Taking a break

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Things aren't going too well at home right now, and it's hit me really hard. I just don't have it in me to keep this blog going for now, or ever. If you need to reach me, you should have my email address.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Happy Birthday Emerson

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I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be
- Robert Munsch

Happy First Birthday in Heaven my precious little boy. You'll forever hold a special place in my heart and I'll carry you with me for always. Look for the balloons we'll be sending your way and know that we love you for always.

<3

Friday, May 22, 2009

A baby and a movie

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Today was a pretty big day - Emmett and I had our first date about town! We haven't gotten out a lot recently except to take him to his check ups but with the exception of a couple of stops on the way home to get the necessities and as far as the momma it's been what, 5+ months since I've really done anything. The last outing I even remember was going to go see the midnight showing of Twilight which was 6 months ago yesterday.

long.overdue

So what did we do with our newly discovered freedom?


We had a movie date!

OK, enter eye-rolls and groans here. Apparently I missed some memo about babies being restricted from a movie theater. Uh-oh, somebody call the cops on me for being such a nuisance. I had barely even stepped foot inside the building and some complete and this couple of complete strangers just walks by with those contemptuous look of disgust and makes some nasty comment about selfish, stupid morons who would bring a baby to a movie and not paying their money to listen to a ******* baby cry. Let me just say the way it went down was nasty.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people to think that saying something like to anyone is OK? I can't help your thoughts or opinions, but some things should be kept to yourself.

Granted, I understand people's objections about bringing children of any age to a movie if they cause a distraction. Heck, I have been balancing the options of whether or not to go for days now because I just needed to get out and just needed on this particular occasion to see a flick. But bitching & moaning about and put someone down when nothings has happened just seems ridiculous to me. Please tell me if I'm wrong.

Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I have to be holed up in my home all day with the baby. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean I can't enjoy the services in life that available to the public -- remember I'm paying for this too, not just you!

It didn't seem like they enjoyed the film at all because I caught them glaring at me during the movie a couple of times. Really, you're that stressed out over it when my little man didn't make a peep the whole movie long? He nursed, he napped, he nursed some more and I was perfectly prepared to leave the auditorium if he started to get fussy. The real kicker is that their cell phone went off ten minutes into the movie. I can't tell you how badly I wanted to make some snarky remark at them but of course I didn't.

It was exactly what this momma needed! And this ends my short rant for the day. If you want to see the movie I definitely give it a thumbs up!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Steely Blues

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We got a first on Tuesday - a photo of Emm with his eyes open!!



When the cameras come out, it's time almost always time for him to hide his big steely-blues! We may have won this battle, but he's still winning the war!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Two little piggies

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Emmett wont get his "2 month" check up until June 5th, after we get back from California so I've been a little curious where he's at with his weight now that he's 7 weeks old! Leave it to Rob to make me feel like an idiot for not thinking about using our home scale and weighing myself holding Emmett and then weighing just me and subtracting one from the other. Too much math involved. That's Rob's area of expertise, not mine - not by a long shot. So it looks like we have a good 7 1/2 pounds of chunkster attatched to my boob almost all day. He's a little pig, and growing like a weed. But we wouldn't have it any other way. I know it's not all that accurate, but it works. Can't wait to see how big he actually is in 2 1/2 more weeks!

On a side note, my kitten is no longer a kitten. You wanna talk chunksters? One of my kittens (the older one) is freaking huge. She's such a fatty. I decided to see how much she weighs too. Get this ... 11.4 pounds! I can barely pick her up anymore unless she's standing on something above waist level. It feels like my wrists are going to break. So she's warranted a whole slew of nicknames now. I think they are adorable but Rob says I'm hurting her feelings. Then I have to remind him that she's a cat!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bath time

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Have I mentioned Emmett loves his baths? It's my favorite part of the day, and not just because it really mellows him out and gets him ready for sleep.

7 weeks bath time
7 weeks bath time

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Six week post-partum check-up

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I'm finally starting to feel better - I hate being sick, and with a new baby at home it just makes everything that much worse. Thankfully though, nobody else in the house caught what I had. I was terrified of Emmett catching it, but he's as healthy as a horse. Or a grizzly bear. Take your pick.

So the mommy had her check up this morning. Everything is good and I am just glad to have it over. This whole pregnancy experience really is over now, and that's alright with me. I would rather take having a cranky baby and weeks of no sleep than be back on the other side of things. My doctor gave the official go ahead ... I'm sure you can work that out on your own. It's not exactly high on my priority list right now though. I was being 100% serious when I asked if he could retract that statement and excuse me for another couple of months.

Now we're just under 2 weeks away from our visit back home to California. My heart is already pounding. It's going to be a hard trip to take, but one that we're looking forward to regardless.

Friday, May 1, 2009

One month!!

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If anyone can believe it, our Emmett is one month old already!! We had a check up with his pediatrician today, and I am a very proud momma right now. He's almost gained 2 whole pounds and is just getting bigger by the day.

6 lbs. 7 oz.
18 3/4 in.

EEK! I totally just realized I have been giving everyone the wrong information. Good Golly!! I can't keep anything straight in my head right now and now DH is just laughing at me. Everything here is up to date and if I've told you something differently I think I may be loosing my mind. He's doing so well and I still think I'm in shock most days.

Sorry we haven't been checking in but with Rob off at work it's been a struggle for me to get through the days. I'm finally starting to make heads and tails of the whole baby thing and hopefully I'll be able to check in a little more. I have discovered the savior that is our sling. Emmett loves, loves, loves it. Well, he loves, loves, loves to be held and I love having two hands so I can try and do something so it's a win-win for everyone so I am absolutely loving the PeanutShell sling that my MIL bought for us.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Someone has to work

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Today marks Rob's first day back at work, wand I've really been freaking out about it since last night. I don't feel ready to be home alone all day with such a little baby. I'm completely overwhelmed and it's not like we have any family in the area to come in and help out.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Emmett's Birth Story

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It's been two weeks in the writing, and I hope it makes any kind of sense. One day I will get around to writing the whole journey to give hope to anyone out there in similar situations if I can. But for now this will have to do.


Emmett Mitchell
March 31, 2009
4 pounds 10 ounces
17 1/2 inches

Really, this birth story should start back in 2008 and someday I will get around to writing it the way it should be, but for now the abridged version will have to do after a very long road including the loss of our very precious Emerson, a cerclage placed at 14 weeks because of an incompetent cerxix, weekly 17P shots in my hip to prevent preterm labor, and shortly followed by 3 months of bedrest as my cervix kept thinning and thinning (84 days total with 74 of them spent in the hospital - not counting the days following his birth), and an emergency cerclage removal one week prior to his birth due to some tearing. I wont lie, I would gladly forget the majority of the past year if I could find a way and that would include the whole of this pregnancy minus getting that positive pregnancy test, the ultrasounds, and holding our little boy for the first time.

By the time Tuesday morning rolled around, I had been having constant contractions for closing in one 3 whole weeks and none of the medications they had me on would ever stop them completely. The Terbutaline slowed them down considerably, but they were still kicking my rear like I can't tell you. Most of them weren't painful per say, but adding in the constant ache from head to toe from lying in the hospital for so long and the side effects from the Terbutaline, I don't know how much longer I could have handled them. I was starting to feel like I was really stuck in my own personal hell and that it would just go on and on and on for all eternity and never end. I had been hovering at about 4-5 cm dilated since my emergency cerclage removal on the 23rd, and his head was engaged. If you had told me months ago that my cervix would hold on it's own for close to a week I never would have believed you.

I don't remember much in that final week. I was barely sleeping because of the contractions which at the most were ever 45 minutes apart, so I was really out of it most of the time. They were giving me medication to help the pain, but nothing really seemed to work and because of some family history I refused any sleeping aids. Rob was still working and making the drive out to the hospital more often, rather than just the weekends, so it was nice to have a little more company and it eased my fears a little that if something did happen he might be able to make it to the birth. He was states away and getting ready to start tech school when we lost Emerson in the week after his graduation from BMT. There was absolutely no way I wanted to go through this alone again. But we didn't want him to take off from work too early.

Come the night of Monday the 30th or else very early on the morning of Tuesday the 31st (Emm-day) I remember my contractions starting to pick up again sometime - maybe around 11:00 p.m.. Time-tracking was certainly not on my mind so I don't really know when everything happened except what the nurses told me, which is when it got down to business, everything went very, very quickly. At I think about 2:00 a.m. when they checked I was still about 5 cm dilated and we were holding out that we'd be able to slow my contractions again without any change but it wasn't meant to be. By about 3:00 a.m. - just an hour later - my contractions were coming every 3 minutes and [b]soooooooo[/b] much worse than anything I had experienced so far and I was dilated to 8 whole cm. I was absolutely 100% not prepared to hear that and it sent me into panic mode. That was when the first call - followed closely by the second because he didn't answer his phone - to get his rear end to the hospital.

Actually, come to think about it, it had to have been later than 3:00 a.m. because as nobodies luck but ours would have it, he didn't make it to the hospital until about 20 minutes after Emmett was born and had already been whisked to the NICU.

Now for the extremely abridged part. According to the nurses my water broke just after 4:00 a.m. and funnily enough our little boy was born at 4:44 a.m. weighing 4 pounds 10 ounces - such a great weight for his gestational age - and 17 1/2 inches. He may not have been an April Fool's baby, but 4:44 has a lot of special meaning for Rob and I so it's very, very fitting. I don't remember much at all in that last hour, at least not the pushing part. I remember the contractions were coming right on top of each other and they hurt so bad, but I was managing to get through them without any more pain medication. Well, I was managing them with a lot of screaming but I couldn't concentrate on anything including them for that long. The screaming was more of the kind that I had pent up for the past 3 months. Later one of the nurses liked to comment that Emmett tried to match his momma in the screaming department, a good sign for his little preemie lungs.

What I do remember was the fear, or lack of it. I have spent the better part of the past year living in fear of everything and everything. I was so sure and afraid that we would have to live through another devastating loss, and so sure it would be the end of everything. I was so afraid this entire pregnancy that something would go wrong. But despite all that, I look back right now on the last couple of hours before I got to hold Emmet for the first time and I think it was the first real sigh of relief I have had in a very long time. It really hit me at that point that he would be in good hands and I had done the best that I could do. I can't even explain it without it sounding silly and cheesy. It didn't even matter to me that Rob wasn't there. And I hate to say it in some ways because, but a big part of me is glad that he wasn't. Does that make me horrible? We have a very long time to be the three of us but those moments when Emmett was on my chest right after he was born, it was just him and me and that was something I really needed. OK, so it was him, me, and a whole medical staff but I don't think I could have cared less.

So I'm lounging here with the little bear watching Mary Poppins and I can't stop the urge to say he is practically perfect in every way. His apgars were 8/9 and has been breathing on his own with no problems since he was born and as known by know his stay in the NICU was short and sweet and came home just shy of one week later.

So this has already been 2 weeks in the making and longer than I intended it to be, but I get weepy and I can't stop writing until it's time to get off the computer again and then the process is repeated. Hope it makes any remote kind of sense.




2 weeks old

1 comments
Emmett had his 2 week well baby checkup today.

Weight: 4 pounds 11 ounces
length: 18 inches

Monday, April 13, 2009

One tired mama

2 comments
It is so much harder to find the time to post an update here now that I'm not stuck in a hospital bed with nothing better to do with my time. I barely have any time to sleep, and what I do get doesn't even come close to fitting the simplest description of the word. Nights are impossible because Emmett is feeding practically every 45 minutes at night which just doesn't give me any time at all, and then when I think I have a little bit of time to take a nap during the day my neighbors kid is blasting his annoying as hell music. I will be very glad wen he leaves again after his spring break is over. We've asked time and time again but does he give a rats ass that there's a newborn right next door who doesn't like the racket - not to mention his very, very irritable mommy. I feel like I'm the irritable grisly right now. So if you don't hear from me again I'll probably have been arrested for assaulting a stereo or who knows what else. Rob has to go back to work sometime this week, which I am dreading. He's been great about doing things around the house, cooking, and taking Emmett when he's done eating so I can try and get some rest. I am not looking forward to having him home all day and I'm really not sure I'm ready to do everything on my own just yet.

Ok, taking too much time here already. I'll try and update and get a few pictures uploaded to Photobucket tomorrow after his well-baby check up!

Friday, April 3, 2009

On the fly

4 comments
Sorry I haven't been able to update or anything since Tuesday but I just haven't found the time to sleep, let alone do anything else. I was officially discharged yesterday and coming home without Emmett in my arms was absolutely heartbreaking. I don't think I stopped crying all night, and I definitely couldn't sleep. Not that I am getting much of that to begin with. I have been pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock and the first couple of days were torture, but that was before the milk came in. We have been very blessed so far that Emmett has everything going for him. He hasn't had any breathing troubles, he's doing a great job regulating his own body temperature and has been an excellent sucker/swallower. He's our little rock star. He's classified as a feeder/grower right now and he should be able to come home in another day or so.

I have to get going, Rob had a few errands to run this morning so we're on our way back to the hospital in just a few.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Announcement

13 comments
Emmett Mitchell
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
4:44 a.m.
4 pounds, 10 ounces
17 1/2 inches


I just wanted to let everyone know that Emmett made his arrival safe and sound early this morning. Everyone is doing perfect, and I'll update you more when I get the chance.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Untitled

8 comments
Bedrest Day: 78
Hospital Day: 68

^ Those numbers are depressing, as if I'm not feeling like crap to begin with. Whoopdedoo. I'm going to skip the pity me post, but since that's really all I feel like writing, this will be short and to the point. I'm still pregnant, Emmett's still where he's supposed to be, hopefully for some time to come still. My contractions haven't stopped in about 2 weeks now and they're making me miserable. Still dilated to 4, but otherwise no change.

And before I forget, I just want to say a big thank you. I don't think I would be holding on to what's left of my sanity without everyone's encouragement. I really can't say it enough.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Message from Rob

8 comments
I just wanted to let everyone know what's up with Heather Lynne. Her contractions started to pick up again last night and at her cervical check this morning she was dilating through the cerclage with some tearing. They ended up taking her into surgery right away to get it removed before it started to tear through her cervix more than it already had. The last check that they did she was 5 cm dilated, but her contractions have slowed considerably. Emmett's head is very low, and his weight was about 4 pounds.

It's all just a waiting game to see how long she can hold out on her own. They think that she'll be delivering within the week, but there's still hope that she can keep gong for weeks to come.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Positive

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 71
Hospital Day: 61

Sorry I didn't get around to posting the results of the fFN test here. I just never quite made it that far. It was a bad "concentrating" day, if you know what I mean. My head still feels like it's in another world most of the time right now. I'm surprised half of the words coming out of my mouth aren't in some kind of alien tongue or something.

The results came back yesterday morning and I failed once again with my positive reading. I know there isn't much I can do but cross my fingers and pray that this was no different than the previous tests where nothing ended up happening. It's just hard for me not to get stressed about it and worry with the other signs. Two days later, I can't really say there's much change. They've kept me on Terbutaline because it's been the only thing to slow my contractions, although they have definitely not gone away. I know he'll be in good hands if he was born now, but that doesn't mean I want it that way. As a mother the best I can do is give him the best chance at life possible, and that means he needs to stay put for a few more weeks.

I'm trying to go by the daily goal, but my sights are really just making it to Monday and 32 weeks. And God willing, 33 weeks, 34 weeks or 35 weeks at which point Dr. T has mentioned they will stop trying to prevent my labor and he'll come on his own terms.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Three One

4 comments
Bedrest Day: 69
Hospital Day: 59

As of today I am 31 weeks pregnant!

That's as far as my happy vibes will get me today. If I was any other pregnant woman not locked up in a hospital already this whole post would be about my eventful night spent in L&D, but considering it's me, anything Hospital related shouldn't be a surprise.

Last night my contractions started to pick up again, but they weren't really coming that regularly, so it just felt like any other Sunday night before my progesterone shot. Today has been a different story altogether - Once I was on the monitor this morning it was showing contractions just over every 3 minutes. Insert panicked mommy here. I got a shot of Terbutaline to stop the contractions, and let me say, for the record, that I hate this stuff. It makes me shaky and my heart race and not adding in all of the stress from today so far I feel like I'm just one breath short of a full-blown panic attack. But it did a pretty good job in stopping the onslaught of contractions; at least it slowed them down.

Dr. T isn't happy with this weeks CL, or lack thereof I should say. I have absolutely no measurable cervix left, still funneled to the stitch and I'm 1 cm dilated. Right now all that is holding this boy out from the world is a thread. Scary, scary, scary thought. She did another fFN test and we may not get the results back until tomorrow, but I'm hoping for sooner. She said the stitch isn't showing any signs of tearing, so it's staying in, but if it does she'll remove it immediately.

Right now I feel like all I can do is cross every part I physically can and just hope that he'll stay in on his own for a few more weeks. I'm just not ready for him to be born yet. I'm still having contractions, but they are few and far between, but they are strong. It's not comforting, knowing that all your doctors agree that the only thing holding this baby in is the cerclage.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fairy Mother in Law

5 comments
Bedrest Day: 65
Hospital Day: 55

I love, love, love my Mother-in-Law. Rob's mother is amazing and the fact that she's actually here in VA for about a week and half is a pretty big deal for me. She's really the first visitor that I've had in a very long time not including Rob who doesn't get up here very often. The last visitor I had who I wasn't married to was my dad and that really feels like a lifetime ago.

The woman is just indescribable, really. She's funny, she's warm, she's just everything that I really need right now.

She brought a lot of things with her, and it's been like a crazy happy day for me right now (full to the brim with tears though, these hormones are intense). I didn't really need anything other than her company, but she made me this gorgeous little necklace and bracelet set and teased me about the fact that I don't have my ears pierced. One of my nicknames that Rob gave me years ago was Bumble Bee because all of my chatter makes him think of a buzzing bee, so she actually hand-crafted these itty bitty little bees out of some metal (I kind of forget what it is) and it's a little crazy to think how she did it. Such a crafty woman she is! I'm hoping she'll kick Rob's butt into gear and get things started on Emmett's room, but I'm not getting my hopes up there.

Probably the most emotional part of today was a gift from my old co-workers from back home. They sent a gorgeous card, letters and kind words along with a gift card to use for little Emmett. Freaking $500. I can't even think of how to thank of everyone, but it means so much to me and to Rob too, I know.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Three Zero

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 62
Hospital Day: 52

I never though I would get to say this, but I am thirty weeks pregnant!!!

Today's appointment didn't go so well compared to the last few weeks, but we're still thinking positive. CL is now .9 and still funneled to the stitch with no dilation to speak of but my cervix was super oft. Baby boy weighed in at about 3 pounds even.

My wrists are killing me again today so this is staying short and sweet. Happy Monday!

Friday, March 6, 2009

From Me

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 59
Hospital Day: 49

It's been quite a while since my last update, hasn't it? I've been trying to give myself a little break from my laptop, which included updating my blog, so no worries - Everyone is still where they are supposed to be (mostly referring to Emmett)! Can you believe I'm actually only a few days away from reaching 30 weeks? I'm a little shell shocked that we've actually made it this far; it's felt like this point that I would never reach for so long, and now it's so close to finally becoming a reality. I'm really starting to believe that we'll make it.

I'll update again after my CL check on Monday (we're really getting close to the end of those and the progesterone shots). Rob will be here tonight for the entire weekend, and we'll be trying to celebrate our first anniversary which is on Sunday.

Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Things to Look Forward to

4 comments
Bedrest Day: 50
Hospital Day: 40

I've been really slow on the draw with the blog lately, haven't I? I've been really, really, really exhausted the past couple of weeks, but I've actually had an awake morning and afternoon, so what better time than now?

So I started making this nice long list earlier this morning of things to look forward to for however long I can keep them coming. If you've ever been on bedrest you'll know all about setting your big milestones that are practically all that get you by each day sometimes. I know I had my moments where if it wasn't for that one tiny spark of something to feel good about I probably would have just lost it. They may seem a little silly to some people, but for me, it can be the only glue holding my world together. Take Mondays for example. Monday is a day a lot of people probably look down on because it means going back to work and the end of the weekend, but Mondays are a very big deal for me - it's not only the start of that plain old week, but it also means I've reached another week into pregnancy. It sounds good and it feels even better to say that "I'm so and so weeks pregnant" when it's somewhere you've never been before and sometimes thought you would never make it.

I already have each Monday highlighted with lots of doodles on my calendar but of course everything else is starting to look a little dull, so I'm extending my "milestones" for other things that I have to look forward to in March:

1. March 8,2009 - I totally didn't even notice this because I am absolutely oblivious to time going by, but our first anniversary is coming up in less than 2 weeks. 1 year of married life will have been under our belt, not that it's turned out anything like I thought it would. No idea how on earth we'll be "celebrating" but he better be taking that weekend off or someone's going to be in trouble.

2. March 10, 2009 - The first of may highly anticipated books I have been dying to get my hands on is coming out. I don't know who did it, but I got hooked on this series called House of Night (it's yet another take on Vampires) and I need, need, need to get my hands on a copy of the 5th book in the series before I die of having nothing new to read.

3. March 21, 2009 - Totally goes without saying, and if you don't know why this date is important to me, you're crazy. Twilight baby!! I am a confessed addict, and I have to have it. Actually, I have to have two copies, just so I can get all of the cool stuff that two different stores are including with it. Someone should thank me for all of the money that I am pouring into their pockets with all I have spent on Twilight.

4. March 24, 2009 - Another book I am dying to have my hands on (even more than Hunted) is City of Glass. The Mortal Instruments series is probably my third favorite series behind Twilight and Outlander.

So most of them probably seem silly, but I'm really, really, really looking forward to March. And it may have something to do with feeling a little better lately.

Monday, February 23, 2009

28 weeks

3 comments
Bedrest Day: 48
Hospital Day: 38

I've had a lot of tears this morning - but don't worry, they've all been happy tears. 28 weeks is a huge deal for me right now. Well, every day is a big day (every day is the farthest I've gotten, right), but today is extra special for me: I'm out of that lousy second trimester!! This is all new territory.

So the report from todays appointment is as follows: My CL was actually up .1 cm !! I never knew I would be so thankful for a .1 of anything. So it looks like my cervix is holding for now after 3 weeks of little/no change. Let's just kee our fingers crossed that it stays that way. Today's fFN came back negative as well and Dr. T wasted no time in telling me today that our next stop is 30 weeks on this third trimester train (and no, I don't mean I don't have a CL check next week, just that she's confident I'll make it to the 30's+). I have this little pit (anxious & nervous & excited & you name it) in my stomach right now, I really want to be able to say that "I'm 3X weeks pregnant".

Other news from the ultrasound is that Emmett's fluid levels are looking good, and was measuring right around 2 lbs. 13 oz.

I just want everything to keep going like this for another 6 weeks at least. I just want to bring our little guy home, and if it means hanging me by my feet from the ceiling I swear I'll do it with the closest thing to a smile on my face. But no need for that just yet, haha!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Honest to Blog

0 comments
Bedrest Day: 45
Hospital Day: 35

I’ve been tagged by Debbie to do this meme, so here's my first post in a few days. Sorry, I've been throwing up for the past two days so I haven't really been up to blogging.

The rules of the award:

1) Choose a minimum of seven blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the seven winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap”. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.



3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself

1. I have a crazy obsession for socks. I buy socks anytime I go shopping, mostly knee-highs because I have this theory that they'll keep my legs warmer. My favorite pair are these bright pink ones, and I can't sleep unless I have socks on.

2. Although I know it's never going to happen because I cannot see myself flying that far in a plane, but I really want to go travel across Europe, and spend some time in Scotland.

3. I don't like dogs. To be honest, I hate dogs. Puppies are cute, and I can play with them for maybe 5 minutes, but otherwise I would rather they stay far, far, far away. I was bit by a god as a kid (I've got a scar just above my eyelid from it) and ever since then we just don't play well together.

4. I haven't been in school for ... closing in on 2 years now. I graduated from high school in June 2007 and never took any college classes. Actually, I never applied to any colleges. I was planning on going to a Junior College back home, but decided to take some time off to work and earn some money, and then with everything that happened last year I just never felt it was the right time to go back. I don't see myself going to college anytime soon.

5. I hate texting. Absolutely, 100% hate it. I don't like texting people, I don't like getting texts, and I want to grab someone's phone from them and chuck it at their head if they're texting in front of me. The texting in front of me is what really irks me. If I'm hanging out with someone or having a conversation with someone I want their full attention.

6. I still watch Disney movies, and I still watch the Disney channel. I'm a secret Hannah Montana addict, but please don't tell anyone!! I blame the 11 year old I used to baby sit, it just reeled me in.

7. I never wanted to be a mom. It was just never a role that I pictured myself in until I got pregnant. Now I'm always terrified I'll never get the chance.

8. I cannot cook to save my life. Not at all. I can't even boil water.

9. I am a huge, huge, huge Twilight addict. I've read the books 10+ times each, have more crap than is necessary for any normal human being. I dressed up as Bella (going to the prom, fake cast and all) for the release of Breaking Dawn and camped out for the movie when it came out last November. I could go on, but if you know me, you know all of this already.

10. I can't look into people's eyes if I'm talking to them.

OK, so I really can't think of 7 people off the top of my head to tag, so this is open-ended and up to you!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

27 weeks

6 comments
Bedrest Day: 41
Hospital Day: 31

Can you believe it? I'm really only about a week away from the third trimester. Wow is really all I can think to say at this point. I know the whole "when does the third trimester begin" question will get you different answers depending on who you ask, but for me I'll just stick with what my Dr. goes by, which is the end of the 27th week and the beginning of the 28th week. We're almost there! I believe the survival rate at 28 weeks also stands at about 90%. Again, wow.

But, that will be something to celebrate next week. Today, however, is the start of week 27. But we can do a little cheer for that too. The good news is that there's really no news to update on. Everything is looking about the same as last week (funneling/1 cm) although my Dr. did mention I'm a little "soft" which is a concern for me but she says right now so long as my cervix is still closed everything should be fine. Everything else looks good (by the way, there are now only 8 progesterone shots left), and Emmett is head down. Not that it really matters at this stage, right? There's still time for him to flip flop any which way, so long as he's head down when I go into labor!

Oh yeah, and as of yesterday I have officially been in the hospital for 1 whole month. Exciting, huh? It's very, very overrated for anyone who thinks they'd love to just take a break from the world and have other people "cater" to their needs. So, so, so far from reality. I'm bored out of my mind, but on the very bright side I got moved to a new room yesterday and this one actually has a window!! I's the first sky I've seen in weeks, and now it wont be the last. Barring any troubles I have been granted a 15 minute reprieve every day to do some sight seeing around the hospital in a wheelchair. If things haven't changed next week, I may get a whole 30 minutes!!

So what, do you ask, did I do with this treasured excursion today? Shopping!! Oh, I am still on cloud 9 - who would have thought? So now I have 3 new coloring books, a little boy beanie baby-bear for Emmett, and some bubble gum cigars because I really couldn't help myself. All in all, it was a good haul. Maybe next time I'll buy some balloons and throw my own baby shower for myself to play silly games.

Yeah, I know - lame, right?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

1 comments
Bedrest Day: 38
Hospital Day: 28

Anybody look at their calendars today? It's Friday the 13th, dun-dun-duuuuuuun. I'm not really a superstitious person to be honest. Good things happen, bad things happen. I've never clung to a rabbit's foot of four leaf clovers, I've never been afraid of black cats or breaking a mirror. Today should be just another day, right?

Ha! Life likes to show me up!! If ever I've become superstitious it would be this past year.

Shit. I was planning on writing something else, but I just got a call from Rob. First words out of his mouth: "Don't freak out, I'm fine." I'm sorry, but what kind of crap is that. You don't tell someone not to freak out because her first instinct is going to be to freak out. Her first reaction is to rip out the IV in her arm and run for the door before she realizes that (a) that would hurt and (b) she wouldn't get far and may even be strapped to her bed to be sure it doesn't happen again. The last time I heard someone say that to start a conversation was the time my dad got into a car accident less than a minute from my house and my sister and I didn't even know he was gone.

Shit, shit. It wasn't my dad this time. Rob got in a little wreck today on his way home. Some idiot ran a stop sign at an intersection and plowed right into the car. Yeah, I think that's reason for me to freak out. He's fine, thank god, but the car isn't. Who knows if it'll be salvageable, but we now have a grand total of zero vehicles that can drive for more than 30 minutes without dying. Rob's truck has been on the fritz which is why he was driving my car to begin with. Can anyone find optimism there, because I can't. It's going to cost us more money than we have to fix them both and somehow manage to get things ready for Emmett, and until we get one of them fixed I will be living life sans Rob. This means no Valentines Day for starters. He's going to take a look and see if it's something he can fix on his own, which I'm praying is the case.

What the hell does life have against us?

Fine, I found the one positive side note. He's fine. He's OK. He's not hurt. He said he has a bruise or two from the seat belt but otherwise no damage and no pain. We should be thankful that the car didn't hit the drivers side door. But really. I'm feeling more pessimistic about this than anything else. And furious. And angry. And I wish he was here.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Time

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 37
Hospital Day:27

Time doesn't seem to really have a meaning anymore, or at the very least I cannot seem to make heads or tails of it. An hour can feel like a century or it can feel like a minute and a minute usually feels like an eternity. I've pretty much come to accept the new laws of time that revolve around when a nurse comes in to check up on me (every four hours) or whenever it's food time. Anything other than that is just jiberish. I'm actually calling them nurses instead of hours. It's my own secret language.

I'm sure they all think I'm really starting to lose my marbles or something.

In other news, I started taking Zoloft yesterday for my depression and anxiety. It's been a long time coming, and something I've been debating with myself for years. They've started me on a low dose (25 mg.) and we'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks.

Not much else to report back on today though. Happy Thursday, have a great Friday and enjoy your Valentine's Day if you can!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

First Purchase

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 36
Hospital Day: 26

Rob made our first purchase last night! We haven't bought anything for Emmett ourselves until now (although my dad and step-mom did give us some of my brother's old baby clothes). We've both been pretty nervous about buying anything before now because we didn't want to bring up any of the what-ifs. It's a big step for us, and we went for the stroller and car seat than something small. There's been a lot of discussion between us over what we wanted to do (and of course with the trusty gals on SK); should we get a travel system or a separate car seat and stroller?

Anyways, we made our decision and went with the Baby Trend Snap N Go stroller. I've been reading a lot of reviews for it as well as for the travel systems and one thing that was really starting to weigh in on me were the complaints about how big and bulky travel systems were - NOT something I am looking for. I don't want to have to lug one of those huge things everywhere. The Snap N Go is lightweight, easy to use, and effortless to just pop out. Mind you, those were Rob's words after testing them out in the store. I'll trust him on this after all of the input that I've got.

We're still debating what infant seat we'd like, but I think we've narrowed it down between the Chicco Keyfit 30 and the Graco Snugride. I just feel like we've actually accomplished a little something.

Monday, February 9, 2009

26 Weeks

2 comments
I'm going to keep this short and simple. Sweet too, I guess, compared to previous weeks. There's been no change since last week. Maybe passing the glucose screening has set off a bunch of positives (minus the finger). I haven't had any contractions in the past week, and after today's 17P shot (my 10th) I potentially only have 9 left. That means I'm more than halfway done with them. I'm just that much closer to having a healthy baby. And to not being in a constant state of all things aching.

26 weeks today. Wow.

OK, so the other news to update on was my ultrasound to check my cervical length. Now changes to report since last week (insert cheer here). CL 1 cm and there is still funneling, but my cervix is still close and I'm focusing on the fact that things didn't get any worse. Happy news today, I guess.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Double Digits

3 comments
Bedrest Day: 33
Hospital Day: 23

It took me a minute or two (or a couple of hours actually) to realize what is so great about today. I kind of tend to focus on the negatives first. Like how I work up this morning unable to bend the middle finger on my left hand without wanting to scream. And yes, I'm being a little dramatic, at least I wanted to whimper and cry a little bit. Turns out I sprained it, not that I have any idea how that happened. It's not like I'm out and playing any sports where this kind of thing can frequently happen. You know, Ultimate hospital bed Frisbee is going to be all the rage pretty soon, but the injury rate is too high; somewhere near 100%.

So I'm kind of just asking for the soreness now, but I can't let my laptop sit idle now that Rob's left already (he's going to go look at strollers/car seats today and make our first real baby purchase) now can I? So I log into my blog to see who has updated theirs recently and the babystrology countdown on my sidebar just draws in my attention. Can you guess what it says (and no cheating)?

99 days to go!!

Wow, I'm really into the double digits! Well, I guess technically I've been in the double digits for a while if you want to take into account that I'm not making it to my due date (unless there's some crazy miracle in store for me). But the fact that there are now less than 100 days until my official due date is kind of a big deal! I'll also be 26 weeks tomorrow. 2 weeks away from the 3rd trimester (or does that start at the end of week 28, everyone says something different).

Wow.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Points for Rob

3 comments
Bedrest Day: 32
Hospital Day: 22

The hubby did a very great thing for me today - he bought me a gadget! Well, actually, he technically did a very great thing for me earlier this week, but I didn't get this gadget until today and it's going to make a world of difference in the laptop department. I finally have my wireless mouse, and to top that he got me a new wireless keyboard. Anybody care to do an imaginary happy dance with me? So the laptop no longer has to balance on my belly, nor do I have to attempt typing one handed at the awkward angle that is laying on your side! The laptop is on a table to my left, and my belly is now reserved for the keyboard and mouse. Much less lightweight. It's pretty funny to watch though. I'm still testing out the best ways to go about all of this. Someone needs to make a diagram book for bed rest preggies on how to set everything up to be working at the optimum function level. I cannot live without my online pals at this point. They're the best family I got 5 days out of the week.

Great thinking Rob! The best idea that I've had in weeks (haha)!

Friday, February 6, 2009

I Passed

2 comments
I got the results back a little while ago from the glucose screening and thankfully I PAASED!!!

Glucose Screening

1 comments
Bedrest Day: 31
Hospital Day: 21

I got to experience for myself the joys that is the glucose tolerance test, a screening for gestational diabetes which my mom had when she was pregnant with me. You have to drink this really icky sugary drink (which just doesn't sound right, sugary is supposed to equal good, right?) that's like 1000x Orange Crush or something and then just wait, wait, and wait! How anyone can make it through the 3 hour I don't know, just waiting one hour after drinking that stuff was more than enough for me. So after that one hour they descend on you like hungry vampires and draw your blood to test your sugar levels.

I'm just hoping I passed, I can't imagine having something else to worry about on top of everything else. I haven't received the results yet, so it's just another waiting game (what isn't anymore). I'll update when I hear!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

One Month Down

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 30
Hospital Day: 20

One month ago today on a lovely (ha!) January day, my term sentence began! Man, how I miss those first 10 days of bedrest. Being at home sure as heck beat being here at the Hospital, minus the part that I was alone for the majority of my day. I don't always like being interrupted every 4 hours by my nurses. Unless they bring me good news, than I think it's all forgiven. I can't even believe I've only been in the hospital for only 20 days. It seems like it's more along the lines of 20 years. An eternity, really. And to think, I realistically could be here for another 10+ weeks depending on how this all pans out.

It's crazy, the things that you miss when you're forced into a situation that pretty much takes away any and all independence and a sense of self. I haven't gotten to make a real decision since I got here, everything is decided by someone else: what I get to eat for my 3 daily meals, how often I get to take a shower, if I get any me-time privileges outside of my room. I get no say in anything, I have no identity anymore.

Try this on for size: I haven't seen the sky since I got here. That's 20 days with no fresh air. Think I've gone a little stir crazy? I keep asking if I can get some leeway in the form of even 30 minute joy rides in a wheel chair, maybe go get fresh air (I don't even care how crappy the weather may be), go use a public restroom (who would have thought I would actually be begging to use one of them?), go down to the gift shop (I want to buy something for some silly reason, I want change!!), you name it. But that's still not an option that's on the table until I'm "more stable". Yeah, and you keep telling me there's nothing to be worried about, but then tell me I'm not stable enough for a short excursion that doesn't involve me standing on my feet? Hypocrite much?

By the way, the room I'm in right now has no window, so I really haven't seen the sky in 20 days. Here's to hoping the next time they move my room I get one with a view that isn't best known for the same boring squares on the ceiling.

I miss Friday game night, a staple in our (meaning me and Rob) family since before we moved in together. We love games. Board games, card games, scavenger hunts (all time favorite). It's just not the same if it doesn't happen on a Friday night, because I'm picky like that. It's just another thing that's dictated by the Hospital because he can't get out here until Saturday morning, which defeats the whole purpose of Friday game night.

I could go on. It's true, you never quite know exactly what you've got until you've had it taken away. So try taking a moment out of your day to focus on something you may think is silly, but you'd miss if you never got to do it again.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Hey Momma

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Bedrest Day: 29
Hospital Day: 19

So the short story is this: There is a lot of drama with my mama. And my sister. I'm not talking to them right now, nor do I plan on it anytime soon. Most of you have probably heard a lot of the long story so I'll spare you and myself the details. I don't want to get worked up over it anymore than I have to. So moving on!!!

I ended up destroying my cell phone after our last conversation, Rob tore a new one into my mother over the phone that I would have died to listen to, and now there's this nice big fat wall between me and my family it feels like. But at least we've got another set to choose from. Too bad we can't shop for our parents. Like go into a department store and pick them out based on our own personal needs.

I would choose Rob's mom over my mom any day of the week lately. I used to respect her, not so much these days.

But back to Rob's mom, my MIL (mother in law for those of you not in the "know"). She's awesome. I've liked her from the moment I met her, before Rob and I were officially dating. Luckily she's kind of taken me under her wing since then too. She was one of my first cheerleading coaches, so I've definitely known her for a while. We've been keeping in touch through email more than anything else since I left California, and she's been great to talk to about things. She's also my source of information on hometown life. She's a hair dresser in the small town that we grew up in so she hears everything. Who knew I would be such a gossip whore?

She's especially ticked since she's heard about everything going on with my family. I hadn't really brought it up with her because it's just ahrd for me to talk about my family's dysfunction with her because I'm kind of jealous of Rob's family sometimes and the close bonds they all have. I like to pretend like I have/had that, but it's not true. We've been bouncing the idea of her coming out here just for support and whatever need for a while now, but things finally got settled today. She can't take any time off until March because of things going on, but she did officially book her flights today and she'll be coming out to visit from March 20th to the 23rd. Now all I hope is that Emmett will stay baking until then. I've already told him he's not allowed to make an official appearance until April at the earliest. Let's see if he likes to follow mommies orders or not.

The catch though is this: We haven't told Rob she's coming. I kind of want it to be a surprise for him. I know he misses his family and he'll be happy to see his mom. He's been hinting at wanting her to come out for a while now too. So hopefully (a) we'll be able to keep it a surprise and (b) he wont freak out when she pops in to say hello in person! I'm already thinking of ways to make sure he'll come out here on Friday after work instead of Saturday morning so she doesn't have to surprise him at home or anything like that

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Freaky Best Man Speech

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I just have to share. Watch the whole video. I needed the entertainment, so I'm sharing it with you.


Freaky Best Man Speech - The top video clips of the week are here

That is so, so, so something that our old roommate back in California would have done had we had a big wedding and reception. When we renew our vows and actually have a reception (or whatever you want to call it) I know who not to invite.

Toilet Paper and Tuesdays

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Bedrest Day: 28
Hospital Day: 18

It was a random thought I had about an hour ago, and something I haven't done since being admitted. Why not do another T.P. Tuesday? I needed a little help with it though, which really didn't do much to boost my confidence. I can't do anything by myself anymore, or at least that's what it feels like. It's not hard to have a melt down by yourself.

So, let's see. 25 weeks 1 day - 13 squares.

Monday, February 2, 2009

25 weeks

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I'm having a real "I feel like absolute shit" day. No little would be cheers, no imaginary dancing. Today's CL was 1 cm, and still funneling. Emmett weighed in at about 1 pound 9 ounces. I can't even feel happy about reaching 25 weeks today. Why does this have to be all backward. When I do what the doctors order, things should improve. And they're not. Why does it have to be like this? Why is it just so wrong for me to be able to enjoy this experience? Not only do I feel like shit, but I feel pathetic and I feel useless.

Oh, and I chucked my phone at the wall. Sorry, no longer in service.

Oh, and happy birthday to Rob. Someone in the family should have a happy day.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

IC Coverage

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 26
Hospital Day: 16

IC (incompetent cervix) made the news earlier this week. Read the article, here.

IC isn't something that's widely addressed, and most women really ahve no idea what it is unless it's effected them personally. I fell into that group before we lost Emerson. I read something about it briefly in one of my baby books and just pushing it to the back of my mind. How could it effect me, right?

Quote from "What to Expect When Your Expecting" on IC:
An incompetent cervix can be the result of a genetic weakness of the cervix; exposure of the mother to DES (diethylstilbestrol) when se was in her mother's womb; extreme stretching of or severe lacerations to the cervix during one or more previous deliveries; a cone biopsy for cervical cancer; or cervical surgery or laser therapy
I've never been a fan of WTE, the book plays out like a hypochondriac's pregnancy Bible, especially for someone like me. It gave me a prepare for the worst mentality whenever I read it, which was not how I wanted to feel. But that's not the point. Really, how could any of that apply to me? There's no history of IC in my family, I wasn't exposed to DES in utero (wrong generation, I was born in 1988 for crying out loud), it was my first pregnancy, and I've never had any kind of procedure done on my cervix before. I should have been in the clear. Yeah, not the case. Most of the time, women don't know they have it until they've suffered a loss. I for one, am going to push the women I know to ask for their cervical measurements when they get ultrasounds, not all doctors put it into their routine care. It is not something they typically screen for, and I really, really think it should be part of your routine care. So many losses could be prevented if they would just check.

It's great to see IC getting some coverage, but on the other hand the article itself makes me want to scream. First it pretty much tells me I'm a defective pregnant woman and therefore a defective woman (and I don't mean anything against/degrading women by this, just that our bodies are designed for this and apparently I've just screwed up the system somehow). And it's just not right to say that a TVC (transvaginal cerclage; either the MacDonald or the Shirodkar which I had placed) is always followed by bedrest. No, no, no! Many women are not placed on bed rest after their cerclage is placed. I wasn't placed on bedrest until I started ahving dramatic cervical changes after it was placed. If I had stayed at a consistent and "good" length, bedrest would not have been needed.

And even on to the actual length. A CL measurement of 2.0 cm would freak most women out. You can have IC and measure above 3.0 cm or above.

And the article wasn't too nice towards TAC (transabdominal cerclages). I don't have any experience with them, just what I've heard through the grapevine on IC forums. I don't even know what to say on the subject anymore. My brain is jumbled to much.

Like I said, it's great to see that it actually made the news. Women really should be educated on what it is, but it would be really great if these people could get their facts straight in the process.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Flu and Tonsillitis

3 comments
I have the flu!

I have tonsillitis!

What a wonderful world that I love in, I really think I have a dark cloud over my head. I get the flu while in the hospital of all places, and I'm miserable. I really can't catch a break

I've always been the one who doesn't get hit badly with some sickness or other. My mom, my dad, my sister would all come down with something that lasted weeks and lucky little me got nothing. I've only ever been really sick once in my life after getting snowed in in Denver while visiting family. I was useless for a week, was blacking out any time that I stood up and couldn't eat; I could barely swallow the antibiotics the Dr. gave me and I'm one who likes to avoid taking pills unless I feel like I absolutely have to. My whole body aches, my chest hurts, my head is pounding. I have to have the lights out all day if I can help it, and I cant even tolerate the computer for long periods of time (which is when I'm forcing myself because I have nothing else to do when I'm actually awake). They're pumping me with fluids to keep me hydrated since I can't even keep water down most of the time.

Now, because the flu isn't bad enough to start off with, I get to add tonsillitis to the mix. My tonsils are inflamed, my throat is on fire, and I can't talk. Rob is just going to love this when he drives out in the morning. We're supposed to celebrate his birthday this weekend (he turns 23 on Monday) and I'm getting the feeling it wont be a fun celebration.

Friday Facts

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 25
Hospital Day: 15

1. I've spent the past 2 days throwing up more than I eat.

2. Hospital food should only be given out as a form of punishment.

3. You never get tired of hearing all of the best wishes, words of encouragement, and prayers. Somedays they're the only positive thoughts you have to keep you going.

4. The internet is as crucial to life as air and water.

5. LOST has no purpose. The title explains it all, the writers just want us to be confused enough to keep watching and keep getting confused.

6. Nothing is made with quality anymore.

7. Tomorrow is the last day of January.

8. I just realized I wont see Rob on his birthday (2/2).

9. Rob found out about the lost ring. He's had no luck finding it either.

10. Bedrest can have some shinning moments too. It's not 100% bad.

11. Each week without the most important person in your life (well, the one you can physically hold) makes the reunion at the end that much sweeter.

12. Hospital beds weren't ever really meant for sharing. Boo.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

fFN Test and Steroid Shots

6 comments
Bedrest Day: 23
Hospital Day: 13

My Dr. ordered a fFN test yesterday. The fetal fibronectin (fFN) test is a test that is used to predict preterm labor. She said that a negative test result was what we hoped for and was good news, and a positive test result wouldn't really be able to tell us anything, but it would mean a green light for the steroid shots (which means that no, I didn't get the first shot yesterday).

Anyways, the test was positive. Dr. T. keeps telling me that it in no way means that I will be delivering within the next two weeks but it doesn't change the fact that the test was positive, no matter what she said. But it does make me feel better to know that a lot of other women have had a negative result and gone on to carry for weeks longer. So this afternoon I did get the first of the two steroid shots. The miracle shots, she called them. They;re given over the course of 24 hours, and are meant to strengthen the little guy's lungs in case he is born early. So instead of 2 days of booty shots in a row, I get 3. Make them upper hip shots, but they hurt or else I'm just super sensitive. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm going to be so sore for the rest of the week!

Next week I get to look forward to the glucose tolerance test.

Monday, January 26, 2009

24 weeks

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Photobucket

Today marks the magical 24 weeks. Sorry though, I'm not too much in the mood for any kind of hellelujah.

I should be jumping up and down in joy with my pom-poms in the air. But no, I got to see Dr. Killjoy today. He really makes me uncomfortable, and never seems to have anything good to say. Up until today it's been nothing but "if you make it to 24 weeks", "the fetus has no chance of survival until then", or "you need to speak with the neonatologist about the effects of having a preterm baby and what you've gotten yourself into" from him. I was actually in tears and about ready to hyperventilate the last time I saw him, I talked with my Peri, and apparently he's still hanging around. You'd think that he might actually have something positive to say today with our milestone, but no. He comes in and I get a brief statement of "you're still pregnant". NO FREAKING SHIT, SHERLOCK!!! There are ways to treat patients and there are ways not to treat patients. Guess who needs to go back and retake Bedside Manner 101.

To add insult to injury, I started having contractions again last night and they didn't go away with my progesterone shot this morning. I'm pretty much maxed out on Procardia as it is, they can't up my dosage anymore because of my heart rate, so we've added Indocin to my regimen. I'm still measuring 1.5 cm, but am funneled to the stitch again. So nothing is holding Emmett back but the stitch, it's a scary thought and I'm trying not to freak out.

So please, keep me and Emmett in your prayers. I'm sorry to everyone I chat with on a daily basis. I haven't been up to the computer today.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Get to Know Me

0 comments
Bedrest Day: 21
Hospital Day: 11

I snagged this from a friend of mine, figured it would be a good way to pass the time. So here's some random little facts about me:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Target - started off as a cashier, left when I was in price accuracy
2. Record Clerk for the sheriff's department
3. Volunteered at my Church to teach the Kindergarten Sunday School class
4. Secretary for a cabinet shop

Movies I would watch over & over:
1. Twilight
2. Saved
3. Serenity
4. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Places I have lived:
1. Walnut Creek, California
2. Tampa Bay, Florida
3. Wichita Falls, Texas
4. Virinia

Four tv shows I love to watch:
1. House
2. American Idol
3. Supernatural
4. Pushing Daisies

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Los Angeles, California
2. San Diego, California
3. Steamboat Springs, Colorado
4. Flaming Gorge, Utah

Four websites I visit daily:
1. She Knows message boards
2. San Jose Sharks website
3. Google
4. My friend Jessica's photo blog

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pixy Stix
2. Pizza
3. BBQ chicken sandwich
4. Watermelon

Four places I would Rather be right now:
1. At home, in my own bed
2. At the NHL All-Star game today
3. Disneyland
4. At the theater, watching Twilight

Friday, January 23, 2009

My Must Haves

7 comments
Bedrest Day: 19
Hospital Day: 9

This has all been trial and error so far - the things I need to get me through my day while I'm at the hospital. I keep having to leave little messages for Rob on what I need him to bring for me during his next visit. I'm trying to keep track of everything so that someday, if we change our minds and want to go through this hell again, I'll be prepared. Who knows, maybe somebody else will find it helpful. Keep in mind that I'm sure I have over looked a couple of things, and I will repost this again when I'm further along to incorporate all the things I know I'm still going to need!

Either way, this is my inventory:

Clothes:

1 fluffy white robe
1 large zip-up sweat-shirt
2 pajama bottoms (one with ducks, one with pink stripes)
4 tank tops (all black, because it goes with anything)
2 plain black short sleeved shirts
1 plain black long sleeved shirt
4 pairs of socks (including my lucky pink knee highs)
7 pairs of underwear
7 pairs of Rob's boxers
4 sports bras
1 pair of slippers (not that I get to walk anywhere, joy to the wheelchair)
Change of clothes for Rob

Toiletries:

Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Shampoo
Conditioner
Hairbrush
Blow dryer
Body soap
Lotion
Makeup
Deodorant
Hair ties/clips
Bobby pins
Razor
Razor blades
Emery board
Kleenex

Entertainment

Laptop ***
Laptop charger
Book selection
Deck of cards
Journal
The Sims 2
DVD selection
Cell Phone
Cell phone charger
Twilight ***
iPod
Headphones

Other:

Angel of Remembrance for Emerson (Christmas gift from Rob)
Batteries
Camera
Memory cards
Cell phone
Framed photo of Rob and I from our wedding
Pillow from home
Pillowcase from home
Foam pad for the bed
Gum
Snacks
Bag for dirty laundry
Extension cord
Address book
My baby quilt my grandmother made

Italics are for the edit I've made since posting.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Skeletorian

0 comments
Bedrest Day: 18
Hospital Day: 8

I never got around to posting any of them on Monday, Tuesday, or Wedensday, but along with the beloved cervical length checks come the beloved ultrasounds (take a guess which half of the equation I prefer). The ultrasound machine they were using has the ability to do the 3D/4D ultrasounds so I have a few very special images of little Emmett. I'm so glad that despite all the troubles my body is giving with this pregnancy he is doing so well. I just can't wait until he gets a little pudgier, you know, more baby-like. I don't recommend getting the 3D done so early, the babies don't have a lot of body fat yet and look like little skeletor-aliens. It's kind of creepy so early, but they are so awesome and I'm betting so much better when the babies get bigger.

Photobucket

I think he's a little shy!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Belly Movement

2 comments
Bedrest Day: 17
Hospital Day: 7

I have definitely been feeling Emmett move more and more, and even more over the past week. It's probably the only thing I like about being pregnant right now, the rest of it kind of sucks, but this is exciting. Now I'm pretty much feeling him all day, but he's mostly active right before any meal; it's almost like I have a little reminder that it's time to eat. It's got to be the coolest and strangest feeling thing I've felt. No, that's not right - it was the coolest and strangest feeling.

I was just laying in bed last night (not that this should be much of a surprise) watching a hockey game on my laptop and getting constant little kicks from Emmett. I wanted to see if just maybe I could actually see him move, so I pulled my shirt up to watch my belly and it happened! I saw my belly move. It was just a little jump, and it was just so ... weird. I can't even think of another word to use. It's one thing to imagine it, but to actually see my belly move, it's just crazy! But I love it. I just sat there and stared at my belly for most of the night.

Rob is going to go crazy when he gets to see this. Maybe when he comes out this weekend he might actually get to feel him kick?! I've been rubbing my belly a lot lately, just hoping that soon I'll be able to feel him from the outside, but so far nothing. I told him what I saw, but I don't think he's going to believe me until he sees it himself.

But wow, what on earth is that going to be like when Emmett gets bigger?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Bushisms

0 comments
Bedrest Day: 16
Hospital Day: 6

Definition of Bushism: Something stupid that was ever said by our 43rd President, George W. Bush., and these are my top 10 favorites:

10. "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."
Sept. 17, 2002

9. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."
Dec. 19, 2000

8. ""I'm the master of low expectations."
- June 4, 2003

7. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
- Oct. 3, 2003

6. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right."
July 22, 2001

5. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
- Jan. 3, 2000

4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
- Aug. 5, 2004

3. "People say, well, do you ever hear any other voices other than, like, a few people? Of course I do"
- December 18, 2008

2. "They misunderestimated me."
Nov. 6, 2000

1. And this, this is my all-time favorite:


"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
- September 6, 2004

Man, it's hard to pick my favorites. There's still a 50+ list of others that I like, and could easily switch out. If there's at least one thing he did for me as a President, he always found a way to make me laugh. The sad part is, it was followed shortly by a cringe and few choice swear words.