IC Coverage

Bedrest Day: 26
Hospital Day: 16

IC (incompetent cervix) made the news earlier this week. Read the article, here.

IC isn't something that's widely addressed, and most women really ahve no idea what it is unless it's effected them personally. I fell into that group before we lost Emerson. I read something about it briefly in one of my baby books and just pushing it to the back of my mind. How could it effect me, right?

Quote from "What to Expect When Your Expecting" on IC:

An incompetent cervix can be the result of a genetic weakness of the cervix; exposure of the mother to DES (diethylstilbestrol) when se was in her mother's womb; extreme stretching of or severe lacerations to the cervix during one or more previous deliveries; a cone biopsy for cervical cancer; or cervical surgery or laser therapy

I've never been a fan of WTE, the book plays out like a hypochondriac's pregnancy Bible, especially for someone like me. It gave me a prepare for the worst mentality whenever I read it, which was not how I wanted to feel. But that's not the point. Really, how could any of that apply to me? There's no history of IC in my family, I wasn't exposed to DES in utero (wrong generation, I was born in 1988 for crying out loud), it was my first pregnancy, and I've never had any kind of procedure done on my cervix before. I should have been in the clear. Yeah, not the case. Most of the time, women don't know they have it until they've suffered a loss. I for one, am going to push the women I know to ask for their cervical measurements when they get ultrasounds, not all doctors put it into their routine care. It is not something they typically screen for, and I really, really think it should be part of your routine care. So many losses could be prevented if they would just check.

It's great to see IC getting some coverage, but on the other hand the article itself makes me want to scream. First it pretty much tells me I'm a defective pregnant woman and therefore a defective woman (and I don't mean anything against/degrading women by this, just that our bodies are designed for this and apparently I've just screwed up the system somehow). And it's just not right to say that a TVC (transvaginal cerclage; either the MacDonald or the Shirodkar which I had placed) is always followed by bedrest. No, no, no! Many women are not placed on bed rest after their cerclage is placed. I wasn't placed on bedrest until I started ahving dramatic cervical changes after it was placed. If I had stayed at a consistent and "good" length, bedrest would not have been needed.

And even on to the actual length. A CL measurement of 2.0 cm would freak most women out. You can have IC and measure above 3.0 cm or above.

And the article wasn't too nice towards TAC (transabdominal cerclages). I don't have any experience with them, just what I've heard through the grapevine on IC forums. I don't even know what to say on the subject anymore. My brain is jumbled to much.

Like I said, it's great to see that it actually made the news. Women really should be educated on what it is, but it would be really great if these people could get their facts straight in the process.

Flu and Tonsillitis

I have the flu!

I have tonsillitis!

What a wonderful world that I love in, I really think I have a dark cloud over my head. I get the flu while in the hospital of all places, and I'm miserable. I really can't catch a break

I've always been the one who doesn't get hit badly with some sickness or other. My mom, my dad, my sister would all come down with something that lasted weeks and lucky little me got nothing. I've only ever been really sick once in my life after getting snowed in in Denver while visiting family. I was useless for a week, was blacking out any time that I stood up and couldn't eat; I could barely swallow the antibiotics the Dr. gave me and I'm one who likes to avoid taking pills unless I feel like I absolutely have to. My whole body aches, my chest hurts, my head is pounding. I have to have the lights out all day if I can help it, and I cant even tolerate the computer for long periods of time (which is when I'm forcing myself because I have nothing else to do when I'm actually awake). They're pumping me with fluids to keep me hydrated since I can't even keep water down most of the time.

Now, because the flu isn't bad enough to start off with, I get to add tonsillitis to the mix. My tonsils are inflamed, my throat is on fire, and I can't talk. Rob is just going to love this when he drives out in the morning. We're supposed to celebrate his birthday this weekend (he turns 23 on Monday) and I'm getting the feeling it wont be a fun celebration.

Friday Facts

Bedrest Day: 25
Hospital Day: 15

1. I've spent the past 2 days throwing up more than I eat.

2. Hospital food should only be given out as a form of punishment.

3. You never get tired of hearing all of the best wishes, words of encouragement, and prayers. Somedays they're the only positive thoughts you have to keep you going.

4. The internet is as crucial to life as air and water.

5. LOST has no purpose. The title explains it all, the writers just want us to be confused enough to keep watching and keep getting confused.

6. Nothing is made with quality anymore.

7. Tomorrow is the last day of January.

8. I just realized I wont see Rob on his birthday (2/2).

9. Rob found out about the lost ring. He's had no luck finding it either.

10. Bedrest can have some shinning moments too. It's not 100% bad.

11. Each week without the most important person in your life (well, the one you can physically hold) makes the reunion at the end that much sweeter.

12. Hospital beds weren't ever really meant for sharing. Boo.

fFN Test and Steroid Shots

Bedrest Day: 23
Hospital Day: 13

My Dr. ordered a fFN test yesterday. The fetal fibronectin (fFN) test is a test that is used to predict preterm labor. She said that a negative test result was what we hoped for and was good news, and a positive test result wouldn't really be able to tell us anything, but it would mean a green light for the steroid shots (which means that no, I didn't get the first shot yesterday).

Anyways, the test was positive. Dr. T. keeps telling me that it in no way means that I will be delivering within the next two weeks but it doesn't change the fact that the test was positive, no matter what she said. But it does make me feel better to know that a lot of other women have had a negative result and gone on to carry for weeks longer. So this afternoon I did get the first of the two steroid shots. The miracle shots, she called them. They;re given over the course of 24 hours, and are meant to strengthen the little guy's lungs in case he is born early. So instead of 2 days of booty shots in a row, I get 3. Make them upper hip shots, but they hurt or else I'm just super sensitive. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm going to be so sore for the rest of the week!

Next week I get to look forward to the glucose tolerance test.

24 weeks

Today marks the magical 24 weeks. Sorry though, I'm not too much in the mood for any kind of hellelujah.

I should be jumping up and down in joy with my pom-poms in the air. But no, I got to see Dr. Killjoy today. He really makes me uncomfortable, and never seems to have anything good to say. Up until today it's been nothing but "if you make it to 24 weeks", "the fetus has no chance of survival until then", or "you need to speak with the neonatologist about the effects of having a preterm baby and what you've gotten yourself into" from him. I was actually in tears and about ready to hyperventilate the last time I saw him, I talked with my Peri, and apparently he's still hanging around. You'd think that he might actually have something positive to say today with our milestone, but no. He comes in and I get a brief statement of "you're still pregnant". NO FREAKING SHIT, SHERLOCK!!! There are ways to treat patients and there are ways not to treat patients. Guess who needs to go back and retake Bedside Manner 101.

To add insult to injury, I started having contractions again last night and they didn't go away with my progesterone shot this morning. I'm pretty much maxed out on Procardia as it is, they can't up my dosage anymore because of my heart rate, so we've added Indocin to my regimen. I'm still measuring 1.5 cm, but am funneled to the stitch again. So nothing is holding Emmett back but the stitch, it's a scary thought and I'm trying not to freak out.

So please, keep me and Emmett in your prayers. I'm sorry to everyone I chat with on a daily basis. I haven't been up to the computer today.

Get to Know Me

Bedrest Day: 21
Hospital Day: 11

I snagged this from a friend of mine, figured it would be a good way to pass the time. So here's some random little facts about me:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Target - started off as a cashier, left when I was in price accuracy
2. Record Clerk for the sheriff's department
3. Volunteered at my Church to teach the Kindergarten Sunday School class
4. Secretary for a cabinet shop

Movies I would watch over & over:
1. Twilight
2. Saved
3. Serenity
4. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Places I have lived:
1. Walnut Creek, California
2. Tampa Bay, Florida
3. Wichita Falls, Texas
4. Virinia

Four tv shows I love to watch:
1. House
2. American Idol
3. Supernatural
4. Pushing Daisies

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Los Angeles, California
2. San Diego, California
3. Steamboat Springs, Colorado
4. Flaming Gorge, Utah

Four websites I visit daily:
1. She Knows message boards
2. San Jose Sharks website
3. Google
4. My friend Jessica's photo blog

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pixy Stix
2. Pizza
3. BBQ chicken sandwich
4. Watermelon

Four places I would Rather be right now:
1. At home, in my own bed
2. At the NHL All-Star game today
3. Disneyland
4. At the theater, watching Twilight

My Must Haves

Bedrest Day: 19
Hospital Day: 9

This has all been trial and error so far - the things I need to get me through my day while I'm at the hospital. I keep having to leave little messages for Rob on what I need him to bring for me during his next visit. I'm trying to keep track of everything so that someday, if we change our minds and want to go through this hell again, I'll be prepared. Who knows, maybe somebody else will find it helpful. Keep in mind that I'm sure I have over looked a couple of things, and I will repost this again when I'm further along to incorporate all the things I know I'm still going to need!

Either way, this is my inventory:

Clothes:

1 fluffy white robe
1 large zip-up sweat-shirt
2 pajama bottoms (one with ducks, one with pink stripes)
4 tank tops (all black, because it goes with anything)
2 plain black short sleeved shirts
1 plain black long sleeved shirt
4 pairs of socks (including my lucky pink knee highs)
7 pairs of underwear
7 pairs of Rob's boxers
4 sports bras
1 pair of slippers (not that I get to walk anywhere, joy to the wheelchair)
Change of clothes for Rob

Toiletries:

Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Shampoo
Conditioner
Hairbrush
Blow dryer
Body soap
Lotion
Makeup
Deodorant
Hair ties/clips
Bobby pins
Razor
Razor blades
Emery board
Kleenex

Entertainment

Laptop ***
Laptop charger
Book selection
Deck of cards
Journal
The Sims 2
DVD selection
Cell Phone
Cell phone charger
Twilight ***
iPod
Headphones

Other:

Angel of Remembrance for Emerson (Christmas gift from Rob)
Batteries
Camera
Memory cards
Cell phone
Framed photo of Rob and I from our wedding
Pillow from home
Pillowcase from home
Foam pad for the bed
Gum
Snacks
Bag for dirty laundry
Extension cord
Address book
My baby quilt my grandmother made

Italics are for the edit I've made since posting.

Skeletorian

Bedrest Day: 18
Hospital Day: 8

I never got around to posting any of them on Monday, Tuesday, or Wedensday, but along with the beloved cervical length checks come the beloved ultrasounds (take a guess which half of the equation I prefer). The ultrasound machine they were using has the ability to do the 3D/4D ultrasounds so I have a few very special images of little Emmett. I'm so glad that despite all the troubles my body is giving with this pregnancy he is doing so well. I just can't wait until he gets a little pudgier, you know, more baby-like. I don't recommend getting the 3D done so early, the babies don't have a lot of body fat yet and look like little skeletor-aliens. It's kind of creepy so early, but they are so awesome and I'm betting so much better when the babies get bigger.



I think he's a little shy!

Belly Movement

Bedrest Day: 17
Hospital Day: 7

I have definitely been feeling Emmett move more and more, and even more over the past week. It's probably the only thing I like about being pregnant right now, the rest of it kind of sucks, but this is exciting. Now I'm pretty much feeling him all day, but he's mostly active right before any meal; it's almost like I have a little reminder that it's time to eat. It's got to be the coolest and strangest feeling thing I've felt. No, that's not right - it was the coolest and strangest feeling.

I was just laying in bed last night (not that this should be much of a surprise) watching a hockey game on my laptop and getting constant little kicks from Emmett. I wanted to see if just maybe I could actually see him move, so I pulled my shirt up to watch my belly and it happened! I saw my belly move. It was just a little jump, and it was just so ... weird. I can't even think of another word to use. It's one thing to imagine it, but to actually see my belly move, it's just crazy! But I love it. I just sat there and stared at my belly for most of the night.

Rob is going to go crazy when he gets to see this. Maybe when he comes out this weekend he might actually get to feel him kick?! I've been rubbing my belly a lot lately, just hoping that soon I'll be able to feel him from the outside, but so far nothing. I told him what I saw, but I don't think he's going to believe me until he sees it himself.

But wow, what on earth is that going to be like when Emmett gets bigger?

Bushisms

Bedrest Day: 16
Hospital Day: 6

Definition of Bushism: Something stupid that was ever said by our 43rd President, George W. Bush., and these are my top 10 favorites:

10. "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."
— Sept. 17, 2002

9. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."
— Dec. 19, 2000

8. ""I'm the master of low expectations."
- June 4, 2003

7. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
- Oct. 3, 2003

6. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right."
— July 22, 2001

5. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
- Jan. 3, 2000

4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
- Aug. 5, 2004

3. "People say, well, do you ever hear any other voices other than, like, a few people? Of course I do"
- December 18, 2008

2. "They misunderestimated me."
— Nov. 6, 2000

1. And this, this is my all-time favorite:


"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
- September 6, 2004

Man, it's hard to pick my favorites. There's still a 50+ list of others that I like, and could easily switch out. If there's at least one thing he did for me as a President, he always found a way to make me laugh. The sad part is, it was followed shortly by a cringe and few choice swear words.

It was nice knowing ya (not)

Bedrest Day: 15
Hospital Day: 5

No, nothing drastic has changed in the past few hours. Today's little ramblings are not pregnancy-related whatsoever. What has happened, or will happen tomorrow, is that we are going to have a new president. What are my thoughts on the matter?

IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!!

Today is January 19, 2009, also known as Bush's last day to screw up our country. I know not everybody out there shares this point of view, and I won't hold that against you (although I will never understand how anyone can agree with what the man has done over the past 8 years). I'm honestly not joking when I say if the option were on the table I would be at home throwing a party and playing pin the tail on the donkey featuring America's number one jackass. Let's just say I've been looking forward to this day since 2004, and it's 4 years overdue from the 2000 election.

The only positives I am taking away from the past 8 years is that, somehow, we survived it all. I'm going to have a good old time watching the inauguration of our 44th President tomorrow, Barack Obama.

Now I just hope he can make some changes for the better. I don't expect him to solve every problem, and I certainly don't expect that he'll have an easy road. But I'll root for his success every step of the way. It's time everyone stood united for once, I'm tired of politics dividing the country in as negative a way as it's been lately.

But I'll spare anyone who reads this my candid thoughts on the matter. Unless I change my mind tomorrow, which I might. At least I'll compile a list of my favorite Bush-isms. Please, share a couple if you can, there's too many for me to pick.

23 Weeks

Hallelujah!! 23 weeks!!

One more week to our first goal, 24 weeks. I met one of the other Peri's today, and guess what his favorite word is? Viability. 24 weeks is an accepted gestational age where the babies survival rate begins to steadily increase. Right now every single day is important to giving Emmett the best possible shot. Magic milestone #1.

As for today's cervical check, CL measured 1.5 cm, and I'm still funneling. We're holding down the fort, so to speak. And our little boy's weight was just over 1 pound!

Everybody Loves Loot

Bedrest day: 13
Hospital day: 3

I got a surprise phone call from my dad today. Very out of the blue if you ask me. It may not be shocking news to most people, but my dad - wait, let me specify, my biological father - and I are not the closest of father/daughter pairs. I've probably talked to him about once a year on average, gotten the birthday/Christmas presents and all that, and been to visit him twice over two summers (one was my freshman year in high school, the other was after my senior year in high school). Usually if we're going to talk, I've always been the one who had to initiate the contact. I'd rather not air out the rest of the dirty laundry in our relationship, but maybe you can start to see why it was a big surprise to hear his voice on the other end of the line.

It was an awkward conversation, but it was nice to have his support and well wishes. My dad, his wife, and their kids are now the closest family that either of us have nowadays. He's in the Army and stationed in Maryland, which is a whole heck of a lot closer than California. To make a long and boring story short and sweet, it looks like we may get some help in the baby-things department. My dad is going to come and visit next weekend with 1 of my half-siblings (6 year old brother). I think he's trying to play me. My brother was a micro-preemie. I never asked exactly how many weeks he was born at, but it was between 23 and 25 weeks. He's such a cutie and a big boy now, it's nice to know that we're getting so close to that point where if something were to happen (which it's not) Emmett would be given a fighting chance. It will be a nice reminder.

And hey, some baby clothes and who knows what else. Big plus.

In other news, not much to update on other than how tired I am of machines and nurses checking up on me, the food, and laying down? It's very, very, very uncomfortable. I'm still getting the progesterone shots every Monday, so I have that to look forward to in another day and half, and I should be getting another CL check on Monday and Dr. T wants to consult with a couple more doctors as well. Fun stuff, huh?

Take a Guess

In the spirit of something light-hearted and fun, because you can never get enough when it's all you have to get through a day, Rob and I made an online baby pool game over at Expectnet.com and we would love for you to take part in it!



We figured we would give out the only hint that we can think of that might help you get your winning guess: My cerclage is scheduled to come out around 35/36 weeks, which would be mid-April, and it is very possible that could play into when little Emmett is going to make his big debut.

Total Confinement

Time for the good news, and then it will be time for the bad news. But I'm a firm believer that the good news should come first, so here we go:

Good: I'm still pregnant, and Emmett is happily kicking away, oblivious to all the crap that dear old mommy is going through. This little guy is going to get an earful about all I've been through one day and I'm hoping this means he'll be an easy going child, but I doubt I'll be that lucky. Some people just have that dark cloud that follows them. But wait, I'm being positive. There is no such thing as negatives on this blog anymore, otherwise I might loose my sanity.

Bad: My appointment with the Peri yesterday (can I just call her Dr. T from now on??) was definitely not what I was hoping for. It was 100% the opposite of what we wanted to hear so badly. My CL measured 1.2 cm, down over a full cm again in less than two weeks. To add insult to injury I was funneled to the stitch. So what does this all mean?

Go to Jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

Dr. T didn't hesitate in sending me back to the hospital for the second appointment in a row, and this time it doesn't look like I'll be going home anytime soon. Consider it a term sentence rather than a life sentence. It's 100% possible that I will be here until Emmett is born, be that tomorrow, or at 40 weeks (although if I do manage to make it to my due date by some miracle I can only hope they'd at least let me petition for parole and take it seriously at some point). But Dr. T doesn't seem too worried and she says this is all just a precaution so they can keep a closer eye on everything going on. She did mention that the 2 hour drive back and forth to her office hadn't been doing me any favors and now I can have more frequent checks and we'll see what's really going on with my cervix. Who knows, maybe it's been bouncing back and forth and we have no idea because we have appointments on the bad week? OK, that was my attempt at positive thinking, how am I doing so far?

Last night was a tough one for me, so it was probably a good thing I couldn't update until now because my thoughts weren't pretty. But I made a promise to myself: If I could make it through the night we wouldn't waste another second waisted on what could go wrong. So I'm going to be a happy peppy people as Rob said (actually it's really the first thing he's said in a couple of weeks that wasn't a grunt). He's gonna start quoting I Love Lucy to me now. That put a huge smile on my face.

Bad Luck Chuck

I'm not so sure what to expect, and I'm not so sure that's a good thing. I have my first CL check since being placed on bedrest tomorrow, and I feel like the most I can ask for is to be holding at 2.4 cm. I should be proud of myself, I've been an angel as far as the bedrest is concerned - only getting up for bathroom privileges and my morning shower every other day - so you'd think everything is going well, but I'm not so sure. I know bedrest can work miracles for some women, I've heard the firsthand accounts, but I am not getting the feeling that I'm one of the lucky ones. Maybe it's just my string of bad luck in the past 24 hours.

1. Alice (one of the new kittens) did a number on my hand last night. I spooked her a little and she clawed the hell out of the palm of my hand. Let's just say I've got a nice slash from the base of my thumb out towards my pinkie. It took forever for it to stop bleeding and I tried cleaning it the best I could with what we have, which means water and soap. Then I spent half the night freaking out over the possibility of contracting Toxoplasmosis because of a scratch. Everyone's been assuring me you can't, but it doesn't stop the worry.

2. It might sound trivial or silly to some people, but the DVD player wont turn on for some reason. Not only that, but now one of my I Love Lucy DVD's is stuck inside and I can't get it out. That DVD player is like my lifeline, I need it. Television sucks these days, and at least I know I can watch something that I know I'm going to like rather than take my chances with some random channel. Rob keeps saying he'll take a look at it (he's better with the technical aspect of things than I am) but he hasn't gotten around to it lately. I could watch stuff on my laptop but there's only so much it can take. I guess there's only so much a DVD player can take too. Well, there's only so much a hormonal pregnant woman can take, and if you ask me, that should trump everything.

3. I had some cramping again this morning. I got up for a potty break and right after I started getting these painful cramps. They came and they went, but I only got a few and then they stopped. I called my doctor who seems to think it was round ligament pain or something like that, but to take myself (well, have someone else take me, I'm not supposed to be driving) to L&D if I had more than 4 in an hour or started bleeding at all. It feels like living your own worst nightmare again and again and again. I'm so agitated and tense over everything that something always pops up into my head like a bad case of deja vu. They told me that before, you know. Don't worry, the cramping is normal pregnancy stuff, don't worry. Look how that turned out. I haven't had any more of the cramping or contractions, or ligament pain or whatever it was again. I've just been laying here too afraid to get up to pee until I absolutely have to. But I'm home. I want to avoid L&D again for as long as I can, it's a horrible place to be for someone like me. One small comfort is that I already have that appointment tomorrow to see my Peri. The bigger discomfort is that I really don't think the news is going to to be good.

4. I think I lost my wedding ring. Or at least, I think one of the kittens took it, not that makes a difference, I still don't know where it is. I don't really wear it a whole lot to be honest, and if you know me, that shouldn't come as a shock. I hate jewelry. I don't wear watches or bracelets because they make my wrist itch, my ears aren't pierced because I'm afraid of needles and having weights on my ears (well, that's how I see them anyways), and most of all I just hate rings. Rings make my fingers feel clunky. Rings always get in the way because I work with my hands a lot (or used to). And now that it's cold, my fingers always hurt, rings only make it worse. And yes, I know it sucks that I'm 20 years old and already have joint issues. Rob gives me a hard time about it, especially because it's not like it was a cheap ring. But I do [i]wear[/i] it, just not on my finger. I may not like necklaces, but if the chain is long enough (and I mean long) it doesn't bother me as much, so I wear my wedding ring around my neck. Well, I could have sworn I had it laid out on the arm of the couch after I took my shower this morning and I don't remember ever putting it back on (and it's not around my neck) but it's gone. GONE. And I know Rob's going to be pissed about it when he finds out. I think the cat took it, but the question is where? Alice loves to go after anything that even has a hint of sparkle or shine to it and then we never see it again. It's not like I can tear the house apart without breaking rule number one: no getting up! I could ask Rob to help, but let's back up to the "Rob's going to be pissed," part. He hasn't noticed, so I probably wont say anything until he does and just pray that Alice likes to pretend she's a dog and brings it back to play fetch.

Hey, I think that's the closest I've come to making a joke today. I'll take all I can get.

I know, everyone wants to listen to me complain all day, right? It's nice to have a place to vent. Rob hasn't been very talkative lately. Actually, he's perfected the one word sentence in a very short amount of time. If I was lonely before, it's really only getting worse. I just wish he's actually talk to me, because I just feel like I'm starting to loose hold on the little sanity I actually have.

Finding the Fun

This new lifestyle of mine is kind of kicking my ass, so to speak. I can't count the times I've said that it's unbelievable how tired laying down all day makes you, but I'm pretty sure it's become the new "it" thing to come out of my mouth (or fingers, I guess, for how many times I can type it in one day too). But really! How ironic is it that laying in bed I'm more tired than if I had gone out like any other normal carefree day and gone about my business. I really should look into why that is, because all it seems that I do nowadays is sleep. Well, nap - I don't call anything less than 3 hours at a time actual sleep. So napping has become my biggest hobby right now. For example: I wake up with Rob when he gets ready for work in the morning, take a shower, and then make my way to the couch where I take my first nap after breakfast. I literally can't stay awake for an hour without getting tired again!

My first theory is the medication I've been on since my last appointment with the Peri. I'm taking about 10 mg. of Procardia (Nifedipine) ever 6 hours, which is actually a heart medicine as it turns out. Or at least it's used to treat high blood pressure and heart disease as well as preterm labor. One of the things it does is lower your blood pressure, which has left me a little light headed. My favorite word to describe how I feel most days is plain old wonky (and as I told Rob, look it up, it's actually in a dictionary, whoddathunkit). I find it really hard to focus on most things for a long period of time.

My second theory is sheer boredom. I think if we were still back in California this wouldn't be as big of an issue. For firsters, we'd probably still be living with Frick and Frack (the dork twins/best friends of Rob's, also known as Adam and Gregg for those in the know) and thankfully they always provided some form of entertainment, and some of it I'm actually pretty darn glad I don't have to put up with anymore. For seconds, I didn't feel like a lonely little hermit even when I was miserable and home alone. At least there I knew people who would stop by whether they were welcome or not, I have the girls I could gab with over the silliest nonesense. I know I'm not disconnected from the world completely, but it feels like that sometimes. Talking on the phone has never been a skill of mine, as soon as I pick up no words come out of my mouth. So it's been all e-mail with everyone I know, all the time. But the extent of my acquaintances here is very, very minimal. I just feel like I have nothing to do most of the time.

So how do you find the fun in bedrest? I mean, most people would kill to spend a day or two with nothing to do but lay in bed or recline on the couch, so what's the big deal if the day or two turns into a month or two, or more? I'm not going to answer that, but did I make my point? I'm already down enough as it is, I don't want to feel like I'm just pulling through this by my teeth. So I'm going to explore as many new horizons as possible. For starters, I'm going to try and learn a few new things with PSE so I can make better graphics. There's also plenty of TV to watch, and with new episodes to keep me entertained, that's a plus. My biggest addiction since Christmas has been playing The Sims 2. I got a couple of games for my laptop and if I don't fall asleep first I can play that for hours on end.

OK, so my "fun" so far, is far from being just that. I am keeping my eyes and ears open for other options though (so if you have an idea, please send it my way).

22 Weeks

Hallelujah!! 22 weeks!!

Those will be the first words out of my mouth every Monday morning until Emmett arrives in May (and it had better not be any earlier). Each week that passes is a cause for celebration. But on the downside, this also marks 1 full week on bed rest a.k.a. Professional Couch Potato duty as I like to call it; my full-time job as it stands.

This whole movement thing is really starting to blow my mind, and it's really hard to explain why. I'm so unbelievably relieved, happy, ecstatic, nervous (you name it!) that Emmett has finally decided to make his presence known to mommy. I was really worrying about why I hadn't felt him move yet, and now I'm getting constant little reminders that he's rolling around in there. I've always heard everyone talking about little flutters and all that, but I think it reminds me a lot more of a fish swimming in a bag of water - you know when you bring that goldfish home from the pet store? It's really giving me goose bumps every time I feel him, and it makes my stomach flip flop all over the place (in a good way, I promise). It's definitely made lying here all day a little more entertaining, but I wish he wouldn't go so long in between his little IM's (apparently this is what Rob has decided to call it, so I'm playing along here). The mommy is in dire need of some company.

Now I just can't wait until Rob actually gets to feel movement. OH! And seeing him move from the outside too. That's fascinating to me, and so ... weird? I know that's not the right word to describe what I mean, but it's as close as this tired brain is going to get. I just can't imagine that, can't fathom it. Oh, but I hope it wont be too much longer.

** By the way, I cheated on the belly pic! It's from yesterday, so one day shy of 22 weeks, but close enough in my book.