Things to Look Forward to

Bedrest Day: 50
Hospital Day: 40

I've been really slow on the draw with the blog lately, haven't I? I've been really, really, really exhausted the past couple of weeks, but I've actually had an awake morning and afternoon, so what better time than now?

So I started making this nice long list earlier this morning of things to look forward to for however long I can keep them coming. If you've ever been on bedrest you'll know all about setting your big milestones that are practically all that get you by each day sometimes. I know I had my moments where if it wasn't for that one tiny spark of something to feel good about I probably would have just lost it. They may seem a little silly to some people, but for me, it can be the only glue holding my world together. Take Mondays for example. Monday is a day a lot of people probably look down on because it means going back to work and the end of the weekend, but Mondays are a very big deal for me - it's not only the start of that plain old week, but it also means I've reached another week into pregnancy. It sounds good and it feels even better to say that "I'm so and so weeks pregnant" when it's somewhere you've never been before and sometimes thought you would never make it.

I already have each Monday highlighted with lots of doodles on my calendar but of course everything else is starting to look a little dull, so I'm extending my "milestones" for other things that I have to look forward to in March:

1. March 8,2009 - I totally didn't even notice this because I am absolutely oblivious to time going by, but our first anniversary is coming up in less than 2 weeks. 1 year of married life will have been under our belt, not that it's turned out anything like I thought it would. No idea how on earth we'll be "celebrating" but he better be taking that weekend off or someone's going to be in trouble.

2. March 10, 2009 - The first of may highly anticipated books I have been dying to get my hands on is coming out. I don't know who did it, but I got hooked on this series called House of Night (it's yet another take on Vampires) and I need, need, need to get my hands on a copy of the 5th book in the series before I die of having nothing new to read.

3. March 21, 2009 - Totally goes without saying, and if you don't know why this date is important to me, you're crazy. Twilight baby!! I am a confessed addict, and I have to have it. Actually, I have to have two copies, just so I can get all of the cool stuff that two different stores are including with it. Someone should thank me for all of the money that I am pouring into their pockets with all I have spent on Twilight.

4. March 24, 2009 - Another book I am dying to have my hands on (even more than Hunted) is City of Glass. The Mortal Instruments series is probably my third favorite series behind Twilight and Outlander.

So most of them probably seem silly, but I'm really, really, really looking forward to March. And it may have something to do with feeling a little better lately.

28 weeks

Bedrest Day: 48
Hospital Day: 38

I've had a lot of tears this morning - but don't worry, they've all been happy tears. 28 weeks is a huge deal for me right now. Well, every day is a big day (every day is the farthest I've gotten, right), but today is extra special for me: I'm out of that lousy second trimester!! This is all new territory.

So the report from todays appointment is as follows: My CL was actually up .1 cm !! I never knew I would be so thankful for a .1 of anything. So it looks like my cervix is holding for now after 3 weeks of little/no change. Let's just kee our fingers crossed that it stays that way. Today's fFN came back negative as well and Dr. T wasted no time in telling me today that our next stop is 30 weeks on this third trimester train (and no, I don't mean I don't have a CL check next week, just that she's confident I'll make it to the 30's+). I have this little pit (anxious & nervous & excited & you name it) in my stomach right now, I really want to be able to say that "I'm 3X weeks pregnant".

Other news from the ultrasound is that Emmett's fluid levels are looking good, and was measuring right around 2 lbs. 13 oz.

I just want everything to keep going like this for another 6 weeks at least. I just want to bring our little guy home, and if it means hanging me by my feet from the ceiling I swear I'll do it with the closest thing to a smile on my face. But no need for that just yet, haha!

Honest to Blog

Bedrest Day: 45
Hospital Day: 35

I’ve been tagged by Debbie to do this meme, so here's my first post in a few days. Sorry, I've been throwing up for the past two days so I haven't really been up to blogging.

The rules of the award:

1) Choose a minimum of seven blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the seven winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap”. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.



3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself

1. I have a crazy obsession for socks. I buy socks anytime I go shopping, mostly knee-highs because I have this theory that they'll keep my legs warmer. My favorite pair are these bright pink ones, and I can't sleep unless I have socks on.

2. Although I know it's never going to happen because I cannot see myself flying that far in a plane, but I really want to go travel across Europe, and spend some time in Scotland.

3. I don't like dogs. To be honest, I hate dogs. Puppies are cute, and I can play with them for maybe 5 minutes, but otherwise I would rather they stay far, far, far away. I was bit by a god as a kid (I've got a scar just above my eyelid from it) and ever since then we just don't play well together.

4. I haven't been in school for ... closing in on 2 years now. I graduated from high school in June 2007 and never took any college classes. Actually, I never applied to any colleges. I was planning on going to a Junior College back home, but decided to take some time off to work and earn some money, and then with everything that happened last year I just never felt it was the right time to go back. I don't see myself going to college anytime soon.

5. I hate texting. Absolutely, 100% hate it. I don't like texting people, I don't like getting texts, and I want to grab someone's phone from them and chuck it at their head if they're texting in front of me. The texting in front of me is what really irks me. If I'm hanging out with someone or having a conversation with someone I want their full attention.

6. I still watch Disney movies, and I still watch the Disney channel. I'm a secret Hannah Montana addict, but please don't tell anyone!! I blame the 11 year old I used to baby sit, it just reeled me in.

7. I never wanted to be a mom. It was just never a role that I pictured myself in until I got pregnant. Now I'm always terrified I'll never get the chance.

8. I cannot cook to save my life. Not at all. I can't even boil water.

9. I am a huge, huge, huge Twilight addict. I've read the books 10+ times each, have more crap than is necessary for any normal human being. I dressed up as Bella (going to the prom, fake cast and all) for the release of Breaking Dawn and camped out for the movie when it came out last November. I could go on, but if you know me, you know all of this already.

10. I can't look into people's eyes if I'm talking to them.

OK, so I really can't think of 7 people off the top of my head to tag, so this is open-ended and up to you!!

27 weeks

Bedrest Day: 41
Hospital Day: 31

Can you believe it? I'm really only about a week away from the third trimester. Wow is really all I can think to say at this point. I know the whole "when does the third trimester begin" question will get you different answers depending on who you ask, but for me I'll just stick with what my Dr. goes by, which is the end of the 27th week and the beginning of the 28th week. We're almost there! I believe the survival rate at 28 weeks also stands at about 90%. Again, wow.

But, that will be something to celebrate next week. Today, however, is the start of week 27. But we can do a little cheer for that too. The good news is that there's really no news to update on. Everything is looking about the same as last week (funneling/1 cm) although my Dr. did mention I'm a little "soft" which is a concern for me but she says right now so long as my cervix is still closed everything should be fine. Everything else looks good (by the way, there are now only 8 progesterone shots left), and Emmett is head down. Not that it really matters at this stage, right? There's still time for him to flip flop any which way, so long as he's head down when I go into labor!

Oh yeah, and as of yesterday I have officially been in the hospital for 1 whole month. Exciting, huh? It's very, very overrated for anyone who thinks they'd love to just take a break from the world and have other people "cater" to their needs. So, so, so far from reality. I'm bored out of my mind, but on the very bright side I got moved to a new room yesterday and this one actually has a window!! I's the first sky I've seen in weeks, and now it wont be the last. Barring any troubles I have been granted a 15 minute reprieve every day to do some sight seeing around the hospital in a wheelchair. If things haven't changed next week, I may get a whole 30 minutes!!

So what, do you ask, did I do with this treasured excursion today? Shopping!! Oh, I am still on cloud 9 - who would have thought? So now I have 3 new coloring books, a little boy beanie baby-bear for Emmett, and some bubble gum cigars because I really couldn't help myself. All in all, it was a good haul. Maybe next time I'll buy some balloons and throw my own baby shower for myself to play silly games.

Yeah, I know - lame, right?

Friday the 13th

Bedrest Day: 38
Hospital Day: 28

Anybody look at their calendars today? It's Friday the 13th, dun-dun-duuuuuuun. I'm not really a superstitious person to be honest. Good things happen, bad things happen. I've never clung to a rabbit's foot of four leaf clovers, I've never been afraid of black cats or breaking a mirror. Today should be just another day, right?

Ha! Life likes to show me up!! If ever I've become superstitious it would be this past year.

Shit. I was planning on writing something else, but I just got a call from Rob. First words out of his mouth: "Don't freak out, I'm fine." I'm sorry, but what kind of crap is that. You don't tell someone not to freak out because her first instinct is going to be to freak out. Her first reaction is to rip out the IV in her arm and run for the door before she realizes that (a) that would hurt and (b) she wouldn't get far and may even be strapped to her bed to be sure it doesn't happen again. The last time I heard someone say that to start a conversation was the time my dad got into a car accident less than a minute from my house and my sister and I didn't even know he was gone.

Shit, shit. It wasn't my dad this time. Rob got in a little wreck today on his way home. Some idiot ran a stop sign at an intersection and plowed right into the car. Yeah, I think that's reason for me to freak out. He's fine, thank god, but the car isn't. Who knows if it'll be salvageable, but we now have a grand total of zero vehicles that can drive for more than 30 minutes without dying. Rob's truck has been on the fritz which is why he was driving my car to begin with. Can anyone find optimism there, because I can't. It's going to cost us more money than we have to fix them both and somehow manage to get things ready for Emmett, and until we get one of them fixed I will be living life sans Rob. This means no Valentines Day for starters. He's going to take a look and see if it's something he can fix on his own, which I'm praying is the case.

What the hell does life have against us?

Fine, I found the one positive side note. He's fine. He's OK. He's not hurt. He said he has a bruise or two from the seat belt but otherwise no damage and no pain. We should be thankful that the car didn't hit the drivers side door. But really. I'm feeling more pessimistic about this than anything else. And furious. And angry. And I wish he was here.

Time

Bedrest Day: 37
Hospital Day:27

Time doesn't seem to really have a meaning anymore, or at the very least I cannot seem to make heads or tails of it. An hour can feel like a century or it can feel like a minute and a minute usually feels like an eternity. I've pretty much come to accept the new laws of time that revolve around when a nurse comes in to check up on me (every four hours) or whenever it's food time. Anything other than that is just jiberish. I'm actually calling them nurses instead of hours. It's my own secret language.

I'm sure they all think I'm really starting to lose my marbles or something.

In other news, I started taking Zoloft yesterday for my depression and anxiety. It's been a long time coming, and something I've been debating with myself for years. They've started me on a low dose (25 mg.) and we'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks.

Not much else to report back on today though. Happy Thursday, have a great Friday and enjoy your Valentine's Day if you can!

First Purchase

Bedrest Day: 36
Hospital Day: 26

Rob made our first purchase last night! We haven't bought anything for Emmett ourselves until now (although my dad and step-mom did give us some of my brother's old baby clothes). We've both been pretty nervous about buying anything before now because we didn't want to bring up any of the what-ifs. It's a big step for us, and we went for the stroller and car seat than something small. There's been a lot of discussion between us over what we wanted to do (and of course with the trusty gals on SK); should we get a travel system or a separate car seat and stroller?

Anyways, we made our decision and went with the Baby Trend Snap N Go stroller. I've been reading a lot of reviews for it as well as for the travel systems and one thing that was really starting to weigh in on me were the complaints about how big and bulky travel systems were - NOT something I am looking for. I don't want to have to lug one of those huge things everywhere. The Snap N Go is lightweight, easy to use, and effortless to just pop out. Mind you, those were Rob's words after testing them out in the store. I'll trust him on this after all of the input that I've got.

We're still debating what infant seat we'd like, but I think we've narrowed it down between the Chicco Keyfit 30 and the Graco Snugride. I just feel like we've actually accomplished a little something.

26 Weeks

I'm going to keep this short and simple. Sweet too, I guess, compared to previous weeks. There's been no change since last week. Maybe passing the glucose screening has set off a bunch of positives (minus the finger). I haven't had any contractions in the past week, and after today's 17P shot (my 10th) I potentially only have 9 left. That means I'm more than halfway done with them. I'm just that much closer to having a healthy baby. And to not being in a constant state of all things aching.

26 weeks today. Wow.

OK, so the other news to update on was my ultrasound to check my cervical length. Now changes to report since last week (insert cheer here). CL 1 cm and there is still funneling, but my cervix is still close and I'm focusing on the fact that things didn't get any worse. Happy news today, I guess.

Double Digits

Bedrest Day: 33
Hospital Day: 23

It took me a minute or two (or a couple of hours actually) to realize what is so great about today. I kind of tend to focus on the negatives first. Like how I work up this morning unable to bend the middle finger on my left hand without wanting to scream. And yes, I'm being a little dramatic, at least I wanted to whimper and cry a little bit. Turns out I sprained it, not that I have any idea how that happened. It's not like I'm out and playing any sports where this kind of thing can frequently happen. You know, Ultimate hospital bed Frisbee is going to be all the rage pretty soon, but the injury rate is too high; somewhere near 100%.

So I'm kind of just asking for the soreness now, but I can't let my laptop sit idle now that Rob's left already (he's going to go look at strollers/car seats today and make our first real baby purchase) now can I? So I log into my blog to see who has updated theirs recently and the babystrology countdown on my sidebar just draws in my attention. Can you guess what it says (and no cheating)?

99 days to go!!

Wow, I'm really into the double digits! Well, I guess technically I've been in the double digits for a while if you want to take into account that I'm not making it to my due date (unless there's some crazy miracle in store for me). But the fact that there are now less than 100 days until my official due date is kind of a big deal! I'll also be 26 weeks tomorrow. 2 weeks away from the 3rd trimester (or does that start at the end of week 28, everyone says something different).

Wow.

Points for Rob

Bedrest Day: 32
Hospital Day: 22

The hubby did a very great thing for me today - he bought me a gadget! Well, actually, he technically did a very great thing for me earlier this week, but I didn't get this gadget until today and it's going to make a world of difference in the laptop department. I finally have my wireless mouse, and to top that he got me a new wireless keyboard. Anybody care to do an imaginary happy dance with me? So the laptop no longer has to balance on my belly, nor do I have to attempt typing one handed at the awkward angle that is laying on your side! The laptop is on a table to my left, and my belly is now reserved for the keyboard and mouse. Much less lightweight. It's pretty funny to watch though. I'm still testing out the best ways to go about all of this. Someone needs to make a diagram book for bed rest preggies on how to set everything up to be working at the optimum function level. I cannot live without my online pals at this point. They're the best family I got 5 days out of the week.

Great thinking Rob! The best idea that I've had in weeks (haha)!

I Passed

I got the results back a little while ago from the glucose screening and thankfully I PAASED!!!

Glucose Screening

Bedrest Day: 31
Hospital Day: 21

I got to experience for myself the joys that is the glucose tolerance test, a screening for gestational diabetes which my mom had when she was pregnant with me. You have to drink this really icky sugary drink (which just doesn't sound right, sugary is supposed to equal good, right?) that's like 1000x Orange Crush or something and then just wait, wait, and wait! How anyone can make it through the 3 hour I don't know, just waiting one hour after drinking that stuff was more than enough for me. So after that one hour they descend on you like hungry vampires and draw your blood to test your sugar levels.

I'm just hoping I passed, I can't imagine having something else to worry about on top of everything else. I haven't received the results yet, so it's just another waiting game (what isn't anymore). I'll update when I hear!

One Month Down

Bedrest Day: 30
Hospital Day: 20

One month ago today on a lovely (ha!) January day, my term sentence began! Man, how I miss those first 10 days of bedrest. Being at home sure as heck beat being here at the Hospital, minus the part that I was alone for the majority of my day. I don't always like being interrupted every 4 hours by my nurses. Unless they bring me good news, than I think it's all forgiven. I can't even believe I've only been in the hospital for only 20 days. It seems like it's more along the lines of 20 years. An eternity, really. And to think, I realistically could be here for another 10+ weeks depending on how this all pans out.

It's crazy, the things that you miss when you're forced into a situation that pretty much takes away any and all independence and a sense of self. I haven't gotten to make a real decision since I got here, everything is decided by someone else: what I get to eat for my 3 daily meals, how often I get to take a shower, if I get any me-time privileges outside of my room. I get no say in anything, I have no identity anymore.

Try this on for size: I haven't seen the sky since I got here. That's 20 days with no fresh air. Think I've gone a little stir crazy? I keep asking if I can get some leeway in the form of even 30 minute joy rides in a wheel chair, maybe go get fresh air (I don't even care how crappy the weather may be), go use a public restroom (who would have thought I would actually be begging to use one of them?), go down to the gift shop (I want to buy something for some silly reason, I want change!!), you name it. But that's still not an option that's on the table until I'm "more stable". Yeah, and you keep telling me there's nothing to be worried about, but then tell me I'm not stable enough for a short excursion that doesn't involve me standing on my feet? Hypocrite much?

By the way, the room I'm in right now has no window, so I really haven't seen the sky in 20 days. Here's to hoping the next time they move my room I get one with a view that isn't best known for the same boring squares on the ceiling.

I miss Friday game night, a staple in our (meaning me and Rob) family since before we moved in together. We love games. Board games, card games, scavenger hunts (all time favorite). It's just not the same if it doesn't happen on a Friday night, because I'm picky like that. It's just another thing that's dictated by the Hospital because he can't get out here until Saturday morning, which defeats the whole purpose of Friday game night.

I could go on. It's true, you never quite know exactly what you've got until you've had it taken away. So try taking a moment out of your day to focus on something you may think is silly, but you'd miss if you never got to do it again.

Hey Momma

Bedrest Day: 29
Hospital Day: 19

So the short story is this: There is a lot of drama with my mama. And my sister. I'm not talking to them right now, nor do I plan on it anytime soon. Most of you have probably heard a lot of the long story so I'll spare you and myself the details. I don't want to get worked up over it anymore than I have to. So moving on!!!

I ended up destroying my cell phone after our last conversation, Rob tore a new one into my mother over the phone that I would have died to listen to, and now there's this nice big fat wall between me and my family it feels like. But at least we've got another set to choose from. Too bad we can't shop for our parents. Like go into a department store and pick them out based on our own personal needs.

I would choose Rob's mom over my mom any day of the week lately. I used to respect her, not so much these days.

But back to Rob's mom, my MIL (mother in law for those of you not in the "know"). She's awesome. I've liked her from the moment I met her, before Rob and I were officially dating. Luckily she's kind of taken me under her wing since then too. She was one of my first cheerleading coaches, so I've definitely known her for a while. We've been keeping in touch through email more than anything else since I left California, and she's been great to talk to about things. She's also my source of information on hometown life. She's a hair dresser in the small town that we grew up in so she hears everything. Who knew I would be such a gossip whore?

She's especially ticked since she's heard about everything going on with my family. I hadn't really brought it up with her because it's just ahrd for me to talk about my family's dysfunction with her because I'm kind of jealous of Rob's family sometimes and the close bonds they all have. I like to pretend like I have/had that, but it's not true. We've been bouncing the idea of her coming out here just for support and whatever need for a while now, but things finally got settled today. She can't take any time off until March because of things going on, but she did officially book her flights today and she'll be coming out to visit from March 20th to the 23rd. Now all I hope is that Emmett will stay baking until then. I've already told him he's not allowed to make an official appearance until April at the earliest. Let's see if he likes to follow mommies orders or not.

The catch though is this: We haven't told Rob she's coming. I kind of want it to be a surprise for him. I know he misses his family and he'll be happy to see his mom. He's been hinting at wanting her to come out for a while now too. So hopefully (a) we'll be able to keep it a surprise and (b) he wont freak out when she pops in to say hello in person! I'm already thinking of ways to make sure he'll come out here on Friday after work instead of Saturday morning so she doesn't have to surprise him at home or anything like that

Freaky Best Man Speech

I just have to share. Watch the whole video. I needed the entertainment, so I'm sharing it with you.


Freaky Best Man Speech - The top video clips of the week are here

That is so, so, so something that our old roommate back in California would have done had we had a big wedding and reception. When we renew our vows and actually have a reception (or whatever you want to call it) I know who not to invite.

Toilet Paper and Tuesdays

Bedrest Day: 28
Hospital Day: 18

It was a random thought I had about an hour ago, and something I haven't done since being admitted. Why not do another T.P. Tuesday? I needed a little help with it though, which really didn't do much to boost my confidence. I can't do anything by myself anymore, or at least that's what it feels like. It's not hard to have a melt down by yourself.

So, let's see. 25 weeks 1 day - 13 squares.

25 weeks

I'm having a real "I feel like absolute shit" day. No little would be cheers, no imaginary dancing. Today's CL was 1 cm, and still funneling. Emmett weighed in at about 1 pound 9 ounces. I can't even feel happy about reaching 25 weeks today. Why does this have to be all backward. When I do what the doctors order, things should improve. And they're not. Why does it have to be like this? Why is it just so wrong for me to be able to enjoy this experience? Not only do I feel like shit, but I feel pathetic and I feel useless.

Oh, and I chucked my phone at the wall. Sorry, no longer in service.

Oh, and happy birthday to Rob. Someone in the family should have a happy day.